Imperfections

(5)

CARL'S POV
⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪

I had been in Negan's compound for a good month at least by now. Him and I  had gotten closer and closer as time went on.

I usually preferred to sleep in his room on his couch and fall asleep talking to him. But as time progressed I started feeling new things for Negan.

I'm insane. I find myself thinking a lot now days. Ever since that run about a month ago I've been unable to shake the feeling.

Like when he gets really close I can't stop my face from turning even slightly red, I've notice the same usually happens to Negan. Just less noticeable. I don't know if I'm gay or straight or any of that other shit.

All I know is, the feeling people always describe as a "crush" was the feeling I was getting for Negan.

I remember the first week I was here I found out he has six wives. As soon as I found that out hot jealousy flared though out my chest and spread through my pissed off body.

I, of course, managed to calm myself down and ask Negan about it that night. He explained his reasoning behind it. I still do a mental eye roll at his reasoning.

Anyways, today I wanted to try to at least drop a huge hint at how I feel about Negan. Or ask him why his bat's name is Lucille, either one.

It was about the time I normally go to his room and we get into a really long conversation.

I walked up to his door and knocked. "Negan!? You in here?" I asked loud enough for him to hear me if he was.

I heard something fall and a loud. "God fucking damnit!" Follow before Negan opened the door.

To my surprise. He. Was. Wasted.

I knew he had a drinking problem, but he never usually got this drunk. I've only found him like this a handful of times before. And I have to say. He is funny as hell when he's drunk.

"Carl! Come in here little man!" He said slurring his words. I chuckled at him as I walked in.

He closed the door behind me. I walked over and sat on his couch and he sat on his bed.

"What the fuck are you all the way over there for? Get your fuckin boney white ass over here." He said patting the bed next to him. I blushed and did as he wanted.

I sat down next to him trying my best to hide my face. Negan leaned in really close to my face. Well fuck. No chance of him not seeing how red I am.

"You got some blue as fuck eyes." Negan said before leaning back. I laughed. "And you got some dark brown eyes." I said. Negan seemed to turn red but I wasn't sure.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"You just did." Negan said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes slightly.

"But ya you can kid." Negan added.

"Why is your bat named Lucille?" I asked him. Negan's eyes found his hands.

"Um..." Negan mumbled. He suddenly got this pained look in his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I said gently.

"No no, its fine... Lucille was my wife's name. My real wife." Negan said suddenly looking slightly sober.

"How'd it happen?" I asked him.

"She had cancer. Before all this, but she died at the start.. I couldn't bring myself to put her down.." Negan said sadly. Well shit I just ruined the mood.

"Hey Negan." I said getting his attention again. He looked over to me. Before I could change my mind I leaned in and kissed his cheek.

I quickly found something else to look at besides Negan's now beat red face.

"Carl.." Negan mumbled. I looked over at him slightly.

Negan said nothing. He just grabbed my face and kissed me. My eyes widened and my face was for sure redder than a monkey's ass.

Just as Negan started to pull away I grabbed the back of his neck, closed my eyes, and kissed back.

I'm not sure if I want him to remember this tomorrow or not.