Lost Souls

Chapter 37

Venus's P.O.V

I didn't even want to go but I knew that Fawn needed me either, someone actually really needed me. After an incredible night the morning didn't hold the same amazement as the night before did. I wish I could just stay in this dream forever , home really wasn't home. I didn't even know what home was, nothing has filled that void inside me. That morning I was able to sneak out of Fawns to watch the sunrise at this hidden beach in the woods, it was my own little beach that no one knew about or at least I didn't think anyone knew. Winter was coming soon you could feel it in the bitter cold air, lucky I had a pair of sweatpants and a tank top in the back seat of my truck. I wrapped Ian's jacket around my shivering arms, his sweet scent filled the air around me as the sun was on the brick of rising. It was like he was right their holding me in his steaming warm body heat looking at me with his deep brown eyes that just speaks into my soul. I wish my life could be this carefree all the time just like the fish that splash and swim around an in abunt amounts of water, only focusing on where they are going to go next. Unlike the fish , I was stuck right where I was, not being able to just run away from my abunted of problems. At the end of the day Ian isn't going to want a mess like me and Fawn is going to get bored of me .... Everyone leaves.

    The sun warmed my cold skin as it slowly rose from clouds. I knew I would have to leave sometime feels like no matter how long I stay it would still never be enough time. I wasn't looking forward to facing Lucas seeing the last time I was there I kinda lost it on him and his dad. He deserves everything he got but still wasn't jumping for joy to have to face him but Fawn needs me their so I will go just to support her. Why does life have to be so hard? Nothing is as easy as it was when we were just little kids now we deal with the stresses of depression and what we all going to do after high school is over. At the end of the day all you have is yourself and no one can take care of you better than you can. Lance has totally disappeared off the face of the earth, haven't heard or seen him since that unfortunate kiss and well everything has just been going down hill from their. I missed him , he was there for me when no one else was and he made me feel like I belong even though I had no idea who he was. Then I broke his heart, my hands are in no condition to be holding someone heart and maybe they never will be . I have seen the way guys look at me, they have no interested unless it involves me giving myself away. The eyes say so much just by one look, I can read what they all want but Lance had care in his eyes , all he wanted to do was care for me and well it just didn't feel right to me. Something wasn't connecting and I let him down , I couldn't force a love that isn't their. Then the boy with the big brown eyes looked at me and I couldn't read it , I couldn't see what he truly wants from me. That's the dangerous part is Ian can look at me and everything else fades away , my heart jumps out of my body without warning. I couldn't run away from him, even if I wanted to something inside me wouldn't let me. Being around him , its like feeling the first bit of sunlight hit your skin, feeling the warmth around you.

    After sitting their for a good hour with Ian's jacket glued to my bare arms, I thought before running off to church that it was finally time to give ian's jacket back. Even if I wanted to keep it forever , I thought it would be right to go give it back. I found my way back into my truck where it was nice and warm, I slide his jacket off of me getting one last big smell of his additive scent. I sighed starting up the truck driving to the one and only Ian Frost's house which was not hard to find seeing everyone at the school knew exactly where their star football player lived. After driving around his neighborhood a couple million time finally finding the courage to pull up and park outside his beautiful house. It wasn't hard to miss seeing its the only nice house , it had green shutter with a tanish color all over the rest of the house. Their were windows in at least every room but all covered with shades. His big red truck sat in his drive room with no movement once oh ever, looked like it needed some work on it.next to his truck was a strange bright blue range rover, very high class and kinda stuck out like a sore thumb. It definitely didn't belong in this rustic screen, but I just shook it off not even letting my head think twice. I took a deep breath gripping on this heavy jacket as I pushed my car door open letting it shut behind me . I kept my eyes glued to the jacket but It didn't last long as I heard a high pitch laugh coming from his driveway across from me. My eyes shot up seeing a blonde headed girl with beautiful slim curves wrapped in his arms as she laughed looking up at Ian, who seemed not to amused but smiled anyways. The same arms that held me the night before, I could feel the sickening feel rising in my stomach. I just stood there frozen not able to move as I had a tight grip on his jacket. I couldn't make out what they were say but she was pressed up against his body. He just looked down at her listening to whatever she said but who wouldn't listen to a gorgeous blonde in short shorts and a tank top that was 3 sizes to small showing off little to much for my liking. I felt like it was just one big dream, that my mind was playing tricks on me. Did Ian really have a girl over after not even a day after we almost kissed? Was I really seeing this right now? I wanted to run but my feet wouldn't let me I was stuck watching some girl drool all over the guy ... my guy... the one.

    What I saw next changed it all for me, it was the end for me. The girl ran her hand against his cheek placing a long forsaken kiss on his lips. He didn't push her back , he just stood there and let it happen. Who was I kidding, guys like Ian go with girls like that. My eyes filled with tears as I didn't wasting another second watching this. I ran back into my truck throwing his jacket into the back seat as I slammed my door speeding off. I couldn't breath and I didn't want to, love didn't exist and I knew that all along and this just proved it. I was sick of crying over someone who doesn't even matter. Ian was just one big illous, meeting him was a huge mistake and illous have to end sometime. What was I thinking ? I was thinking that just maybe someone would come into my life and prove me wrong.Prove that love does exist and show me how incredible it can be. Ian was just like every other guy to exist all they want is to get in a girls pants and that really about it. I made a mistake by giving him the slightest attensions. I was dumb enough to think that he would actually want me.

I drove as fast as I could to church without stopping , I just needed to get this all off my mind. Go dive myself into other people's problems so I don't have to deal with my own. I pulled into the church parking lot , everyone was already here. Im sure Fawn was somewhere in that little church building also, I couldn't even imagine how hard it is for her to face all those people who hurt her. I jumped out of my truck, speed walking to the front door knowing that I much rather do anything else but think right now. I walked into all these kids running after each other , playing tag of some sort. I continued to looking around for a familiar face , Fawn was nowhere to be found either was Lucas so I knew somewhere in one of these room they were "talking". I found myself just find a seat where there wasn't any screaming middle schoolers and just breathed. Claire was off talking to Caleb and Lance disappeared from the face of the earth. I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about that kiss, how she wrapped him up in her blonde arms that made me weak in the knees. That should have been me, not her. I just jumped in not knowing that the water was bottomless , and I couldn't stop sinking farther and farther down . I reached my hand out to be greeted by nothing ,  his hand wasn't there to pull me back up , Im left here drowning in what could have been.

"Venus come on , Fawn needs us. " Clare tugged on my arm bring me back into reality , as I shook off my emotions. We approached Fawn yelling and releasing everything she has buried on lucas and amber as they stood their in shame. Claire and I knew that this was all very overwhelming for her as we pulled her into our embrace. It like God knew what she needed to hears as claire and I spoke at the same time " it's all okay" we said to her holding her . Claire and i started to take her outside as we walked arm to arm feeling a sense of relief. We didn't get far as we heard his nasty voice " I need you!" Lucas yelled to Fawn , without hesitation she yelled back " If you needed me you wouldn't have needed anyone else , you don't need me you just want to play my heart", Claire and I pulled her back to us as we kept on walking just wishing he would just leave us alone.. Leave Fawn alone.  I turned around in Fawn honor , as I looked up at the shameful boy "if you keep trying to talk to Fawn and keep on trying to lie your way through, your gonna have a very rude awakening!" I yelled up at him before walking with Fawn and Claire again.

We walked and walked, I just brushed my problems off my shoulder knowing that Fawn needed me and I knew later that night I would be crying over Ian like the pathetic girl that I was as everyone else slept so peacefully. Crazy how the mind works sometimes.