Finding myself

Chapter 30

Zian is really quiet nowadays. I am a bit worried about her. Are all wolves like this? She is there to support and give me strength physically and mentally when I need it, but is this normal? Should I be worried?

Zian was always different anyway. For one thing, she came out prematurely. She lost some of her beauty sleep thanks to my ever-loving mate. And that has to make a girl cranky. Plus the absence of our mate has to have messed her up some way by now.

I also found that Jason's last name is 'Mavis.' It is really feminine and mushy, but apparently, it is a family name. I am a sucker for culture and heritage so I don't speak much on it. Personally, I think such a huge, muscled, tattooed guy being called Mr. Mavis will be the biggest of ironies.

When I walked with the group, I also realized that most of the time they were getting dirty stares from my cousin and her gang. Sierra and Lilly are like the 'it' girls around here.

And frankly speaking, I am slightly disappointed to see that I am not at the center of their attention anymore- Stacey is.

Ever since she 'snagged' Drake as Sierra terms to the rest of the gang. Apart from me, I don't think anyone heard it. Maybe Raven. She always has the same look on her face and I think she will gladly join the banshees for their cause, as long as she got Drake. They are all vulnerable that way.

Even Jason. No matter how straightforward the guy is, there are just some parts of him I can't understand.

Like the longing look on his face when he says Blaze and Jem. Or the forlorn expression he has when he sees Amelia and Hails.

How very pathetic. These puke worthy moments. Isn't it time for him to grow up yet?

I can stand everything about the banshees- except their loose nature. You know exactly what I am talking about. I hate how they lose their dignity and sleep around with every were with a few muscles to go by.

It is disgusting really. They are the exact reason why this world needs a cleanup. I know my mate's not an option anymore. But Sam has given me hope again. And I for sure know that it should be with one person and only one. No matter what I went through, I would never, EVER hand over my dignity to a person like that. Ever. Even if it meant my survival. That's how disgusting it is. And I know, it can break a person in some ways, but I will never resort to that low a standard of evil. I like to have some class in my evil doings. That's what I like about Sam he is conserved and unpredictable but very intimidating and wild at the same time. Primitive yet complex. Evil in a whole new level. Like a real controller. It flowed around him like a thick cloak of confidence and identity.

And yes, I know I am no pure virgin to say this, but at least the fact that I am not isn't my fault. It wasn't a willing decision to hand over my pride like that. I accept it for what is was. That's that. Sam knows what is best for me and if he ordered one of his men (or his brothers or himself or god knows who, I don't care) to rape me, then so be it. It is done, no pondering over it. Period.

It is for a good cause anyway. If I am ever in a situation someone threatens it, then I won't have anything to lose. No one will ever guess that the alpha kings' mate had lost it so early.

So like I said, it has some advantages.

Anyway, now I take special care to stay under the radar. Especially Mr. Hawk's classes. Yeah, I think he deserves that name really.

The way his searching gaze locks on me whenever he presents the class a question 1 step ahead of their level. They think he is being challenging. I know the truth. He is trying to draw me out. Nope. Nada. Not happening.

He even called me when he presented the question on the board today. But I think I acted the innocent, dumb girl really well here.

I might have looked a bit confused even. Still, I wonder whether every time he looks at me, he knows that I know all the answers to his questions.