Finally Together

Chapter Thirty Three

The dark red blush started from her neck and ran up her entire face. "I can't believe you just said that to me, right now," She sounded aghast.

"Don't try and play the victim," I snapped at her again.

"Khadijah, do you think Chris and I could speak alone?" Dr. Lewall asked.

She didn't even look up, she just mumbled under her breath and walked out to the waiting room. The doctor watched me walk around and around for a good minute before she interrupted.

"Chris, sit down please. I'd like to finish speaking with you."

I reluctantly sat down as she was began to write away on her notepad.

"Would you like to finish the rest of your story, please?" She patiently asked.

My shoulders shrugged slightly. "It went on for a few years. He got locked up, she found my stepdad, that's it."

"And how is your relationship with your mother now? How is her relationship with your step father?"

"They're fine, I guess. But me and my mama. .we're fighting now," I nodded my head towards the door so she understood what my mother and I were fighting about.

Damn, damn! How the fuck could I snap on Khadijah like that? She did absolutely nothing. God. We were supposed to be fixing shit and I ruined it already.

"I shouldn't have done that," I mumbled. My hands rubbed over my eyes as possible solutions begin to run about. What should I do to fix this? How could I even fix this? God, I hate myself. I fuck everything up.

"Well, you were definitely feeling something. You needed to get those out," Stonewall replied.

"I hate that look," I spoke. "I hate people feeling sorry for me and wanting to fix me or whatever. I'm totally fine and normal. I especially hate it from people who got as many issues as I do. Shit, Khadijah probably got more than me." 

Loud sniffles became apparent in the quiet room. Khadijah had come back without me noticing her. She stood tall with her head shaking and her arms crossed.

"Sorry, Chris," She snapped. "So sorry for being sympathetic towards your childhood. I guess I should have just sat there and laughed and been happy that you and your mother were abused?"

"Don't say that," I sucked my teeth. "I'm just sayin', what about your family?"

"What about my family?!" She exclaimed.

"You 'on't wanna get to know them? How are you okay not knowing your mama?"

"Because I am. I've been okay with it my entire life and it's not gonna change now. Leave it alone, it's my issue to deal with."

I stood up and slowly walked over to where Khadijah was. My hands glided up and down her tiny arms, trying to bring some kind of comfort. As I placed a small kiss on her forehead, I heard a faint "stop" come from her mouth but I didn't listen. I grabbed her body until her head rested on my shoulder. My shirt was damp, meaning she was silently crying. I loved her body, hell I loved everything about her. The coconut smell, the soft hair, her tiny waist, Khadijah was perfect. Right here, right in my arms, was where she belonged.

"I'm sorry," I whispered after kissing the top of her head.

"I know," She lightly replied.

Khadijah pulled back and began to try and pull herself together. Dr. Lewall was vigorously writing, not even looking up at us.

"Um, thank you for today," Khadijah spoke. "Should we make another appointment at the front desk?"

"Your session is not up for another 15 minutes," Stonewall responded.

"I think we better get going, though. Thank you very much for today," Khadijah said.

I nodded my head, silently, before we stepped out of the room. Khadijah walked right through the front doors. I wanted to remind her about making another appointment but she clearly wasn't in the mood. I followed her to the car where we both got in with no words.

"I really hope you don't feel like I think I'm better than you," Khadijah spoke.

"I don't, baby. I don't know why I said any of that. I told you, therapy makes you say crazy shit."

"Good that you don't. Because I love you so much Chris, you don't even understand. I mean, I don't even understand. Despite everything that has happened, just now and in the past, I still love you so much."

Her head turned and with no other words, she kissed me.  Right there, I remembered al the reasons that made me love her too.