Single Father • Namjoon + BTS!Kids

lxvii.

"Jimin?" Jungkook asked again, more softly still, his voice barely coming out.

Blood.

On the table.

On Jimin's head.

"Jimin, listen," Jungkook said desperately. "I don't- I don't want to hate you anymore," he said, swallowing. "I just want you to learn how to share, okay? That's it, all right? You don't have to go. I'm glad we found you. I'm sorry I ignored you back then. I'm sorry I didn't pay attention. I'm sorry it was my fault we didn't find you sooner. What I said- about wishing you were never born- I'm sorry, that was wrong. If you weren't here, we wouldn't be the triplets, you know?" Jungkook swallowed. "Okay? So you forgive me, right? Jimin? Jimin? Please, Jimin...p-please, answer me...tell me you forgive me..." Jungkook begged, biting his lips before he got off the couch and crouched down next to Jimin. "Jimin?"

Jungkook poked Jimin, but nothing happened.

He felt his heart start to beat faster in panic.

He didn't feel strong anymore. He didn't feel good, not like when he'd been angry and he'd seen how much his words hurt Jimin. That had made him feel, if not good, then powerful, somehow. Like he'd been better than Jimin for once. Like he'd taken back something that was stolen. Like he'd won.

Now he just felt scared.

He shook Jimin, softly at first, and then harder. "Jimin. Jimin! Wake up!" he shouted, swallowing as he felt his eyes become wet once more.

Did I do this?

Is this my fault?

Did I...

Did I kill my brother?

Did I kill Jimin?

But Jimin's eyes fluttered open as he winced, putting a hand to the back of his head. "Kookie?" A slow smile made its way onto Jimin face, and Jungkook froze as Jimin brought his fingers up to Jungkook's cheek. "Why are you crying, Kookie? It's okay, I won't tell our hyungs. Whatever's wrong, it's going to be okay all right?"

Jungkook's few reluctant tears were joined by many others as he began sobbing, collapsing on top of Jimin in a hug. "I'm sorry, Jimin! I'm sorry that I was so angry and jealous! It's my fault that you got taken, I should have noticed but I was being so stupid and I-"

"Shhhh," Jimin cooed gently, patting Jungkook's back and rubbing up and down to ease his pain. "It's okay, Kookie. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know. I was the stupid one."

Just as Jungkook's tears began to slow, Jungkook thinking that Jimin didn't remember their earlier conversation, Jimin smiled painfully.

"I'm sorry that I stole the love that you should have gotten. I'm sorry that everyone told you to be stronger when all you wanted was to be a little kid who didn't want to grow up so fast so soon. I'm sorry that me getting taken cracked this family in ways I didn't know. I'm sorry that Dad wasn't here enough for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be here for you either. I'm sorry that you had weak me as your older brother, always embarrassing you and troubling you and burdening you. I'm sorry that Tae had to stay with me to protect me instead of being himself or playing with you. I'm sorry that everyone treated me special but not you even though you're just as special as I am if not more. I'm sorry for taking our hyungs away, Dad away, Mom away. I'm sorry for not being stronger because even though everyone told me it was okay to be weak, I should have realized that it wasn't okay for me as a big brother to not be strong for you. And I'm sorry that I'm the source of so much anger and hatred for you, Kookie. Those emotions must have hurt you as much as they hurt me," Jimin said, his eyes wet and his voice thick. He'd never imagined his little Kookie hating him. Had never even considered it. Had never noticed the signs that had been right in front of him.

"It's okay if you don't want to like me," Jimin whispered, Kookie still hugging him tightly. "But I don't want you to hate yourself or our hyungs because of how you feel about me. Okay?"

Kookie shook his head, pulling back, his eyes puffy and red. He hadn't cried in a long time. It was as though his tears had been ready and waiting, all collecting for this moment, and they just wouldn't stop falling. "No, I don't hate you, Jimin. I don't want to," he cried. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's okay," Jimin said, rubbing Kookie's arms gently. "Nobody's forcing you to do anything."

"N-no, I'm not being forced, I've just been angry at you and jealous of you all this time b-but I don't even know why now because you're so nice to me," Kookie sobbed, digging his palms into his eyes to try to stop the tears, but it didn't work. "I was actually a little happy when you were gone because it meant they would pay more attention to me but now Tae hates me and our hyungs and Dad don't say it but I know they all blame me for losing you. And yet you're being nice to me and apologizing to me and it's all my fault. I was happy, Jimin. Do you know how messed up that is?" Jungkook choked on his own words, horrified beyond measure at his past actions.

Jimin's smile wavered but held even as his eyes grew sadder. "You were mad at me for stealing all the attention. Of course you'd be happy to get it back. That doesn't make you messed up, Jungkook. It makes you human. And I'm sorry our hyungs didn't reach out to you enough but I know that they love you very much and would never blame you. And besides, I'm back so what does it matter? Can't we all just forget that it happened? Nobody needs to take the blame, least of all you."

"Tae blames me," Jungkook blurted out. "I know he does. We're in the same class in school but we barely talk. We share a room but he won't even look at me. We can't sit next to each other at the table or in the car because we'll fight. We haven't played together since you went missing. He used to call me Kookie but now he barely even calls me by my name at all."

Jimin ran his hand through Kookie's hair. "I'm sorry about that, Kookie. How about I talk to Tae when he gets back and try to make him understand that it's not your fault?" Jimin exhaled. "Maybe all of our brothers need to get together and work this out because I don't like seeing you or any of the others miserable, okay? Does that sound okay with you?"

Kookie nodded, sniffling, and Jimin smiled, patting Kookie's head.

"Then that's what we'll do," Jimin said, and Kookie bobbed his head.

Just then, the door opened and everyone came in.

All of their talking cut off as they took in the scene: Jungkook on top of Jimin, Jimin's head bleeding and his face wet with tears.

"Hi," Jimin said, sniffling slightly because even though he'd patched things up with Jungkook, Jungkook had still said a lot of things that hurt him a lot more than he wanted to let on. "How was school?" he asked, his words falling flat as the house fell back into silence.

Then Tae yelled and jumped over the couch, tackling Jungkook.