43. Her fault

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     No one tried to stop Alexandra when she sprang out of the massive building. The guards at the gate didn't even look at her, their eyes fixed straight ahead, toward the harbor. These two were wearing red uniforms and high, fury hats. City guards, paid to keep people away from the Harbor Master's office, not goons in charge of the fat fuck's security inside. The former fat fuck!

     Alexandra shivered at the thought of his death. What nightmare was she wandering around in? Whose?

     She closed her shirt with a crude knot and walked away quickly. She needed to get back on the Lady, needed the comfort of its familiarity, the comfort of her home. She could hear Jade's shoes hitting the cobblestones behind her, and further back, the huffs and puffs of the man carrying Savy.

     There was a hurricane inside Alexandra's head. All sorts of feelings were crashing against each other, sending lightning bolts down her spine and thunder rolling behind her eyes. The filthy pile of fat ruling the harbor had it coming, but she still felt sick. Too much blood. Way too much. All of that for nothing. Facing La Choza, risking her lives, giving up on Savy like she was piece of meat...

     A rush of shame washed over Alexandra, wiping out all coherent thought, making her stumble. She held on to anger to keep herself together. It was easier that way. She was familiar with the destructive feeling, drawing strength from it, allowing her to be respected by a ruthless crew. Alexandra kicked a rotten fish, sending squishy bits flying into the sea. Resolve returns. She did good. The little princess cunt! It was all her fault.

     Etienne had changed since she embarked. The crew had changed, too! She was the worm in the fruit, the feather upsetting the fragile balance on the ship. Savy was the reason Alexandra had to stay aboard like a wet nurse. Savy was the reason she wasn't there to protect Etienne...

     Alexandra stopped, staggering. Putting her face into both hands, she sighed deeply, crushed by sudden exhaustion. She couldn't have protected him... What could she have done? Could she have done better than O'Ma?

     Fear overcame anger. Cold sweat covered Alexandra's skin, making her shirt stick disgustingly. She was helpless. Etienne would rot in a dungeon or dance the hempen jig above the sea. And she couldn't do anything. She had tried every reasonable option. Would the men follow her in desperate times?

      Taking a step forward, her foot slipped on a wet cobblestone, and her legs gave out. She fell on her knees with a pitiful cry, making her want to slap herself. Yet, a void was growing inside of her chest. An old wound that only Etienne had managed to close over the years. The painful emptiness of loss, about to engulf her heart, once again.

     Jade's shadow grew around Alexandra. The doctor had come to check on her patient, as always. Her soft voice was filled with care, despite what Alexandra had done a few minutes ago.

     "Alexandra, are you alright?"

     She sounded so maternal, so patronizing... Alexandra felt a hand on her shoulder and pushed it away, faking anger as well as she could. She stood up and turned to face Jade.

     "Leave me alone! I don't need your help!"

     "Maybe you need mine?"

    The deep, ironic voice of the ugly man felt like a cold shower. Slightly out of breath, holding Savy in a discourteous manner, he had finally caught up with them. Alexandra welcomed the new focus it gave her. She smiled to him widely and, in a dangerously pleasant voice, said:

     "Jade, can you take care of Savy? I need to thank our savior!"

     "Jade, can you take care of Savy? I need to thank our savior!"

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Last update on December 19th, 2019

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