Random Thoughts🌙

Tired (of what?)

  "I'm so tired," she mumbled. Her friend sitting beside her turned, facing her. "Tired of what?" He asked. Shaking her head she just repeated her previous statement, the words more true than she could describe. "What are you tired of? I can't just know unless you tell me?" He pushed again and again, asking what she was tired of. It was clear his patience was running thin, understandably so. She was stepping on ice and she knew it. "You wanna know what I'm tired of??!" She huffed rhetorically. His silence gave her the spur to keep talking, not caring what she was giving up. "I'm tired... of feeling like I'm not worth someone's time, of feeling like the past will forever haunt me, of biting back my tongue fearing I'll say too much, of holding back tears all the time, of doubting myself, of trying to shoulder everything and fearing trusting others, of being scared everything is temporary and everyone is just gonna walk out of my life, of fearing of only being a disappointment, of nightmares and sleepless nights, of this loneliness gnawing at me, of overthinking every damn second of my life, of worrying I'm not being good enough, of being so self conscious that it kills my spirit to do anything.  I. Am. Tired. Of. Everything! Of feeling so much and nothing at the same time, of emotions, of people, of myself changing or not changing! Of living like I'm dying."She said, ending her rant. 

  Before he could say anything she held up her hand, cutting him off. "I really don't want to hear any logical explanation, or reasoning, or wise words, advice; tired of that too at the moment." She spoke, her voice softer, almost defeated. Uncertain, he glanced at her. Mumbling a few short words, a silence settled between them. "Tomorrow perhaps," he opted, knowing anything said now would fall upon deaf ears.