Forever and Always Book 2 [A Bensler FanFic]

Chapter 20

Hey guys! So, this is going to be another hard chapter, but I also wanted to give you all an author's note before I started.

So, for this book, I want to stick to 27 chapters. Once I hit that, then I'll move onto another book. It's going to be one chapter longer, when you look at the table of contents, but that is only because I put an author's note in there some where. Alright, enjoy!

I sat in the room we were using to put pictures of Kayla's room in. I kept my eyes constantly looking over them, at an attempt to find something that stuck out, but nothing did. As I looked over them, I brought back memories from when I was younger. Especially when Elliot and I first met. 

The scars on my arms weren't all from my mother. I had been abused for so long, that my mental state was destroyed, and what was left, was hanging from a thread.

Then there were the scars that weren't caused by a blade, but ones laid on me, when my friend, who was just as invisible as I was in our school, took her own life because her step father was hurting her. It was the most amount of pain I had felt since my mother threw me down the stairs. The only one bating for me was now gone.

But once I found Elliot, and my grandmother, than Elliot's family took me in, I was better. I didn't harm myself, and I finally had people who cared about me.

I reached over and grabbed my cell, before dialing my mother's cell number.

"Olivia?" She answered, surprised.

"Hey, Mom. I'm working late tonight. Are you awake enough to get something to eat and talk?" I asked, and my mother started to make noise on her side of the call, and I knew what she was going to say.

"I'll meet you at the diner by your precinct."

=+=

I sat down and ordered coffee, while my mother was a little later.

She showed up and shed her jacket as she walked towards the booth.

"Hey, Liv." She spoke, and I smiled softly, as I shoved a mug across the tale.

"Hey, Mom." I replied slowly. She took a drink of her coffee, before pouring some sugar into it.

"So, what did you need to talk about?" She asked, and I bit my lip.

"I have this really sensitive case I'm working on right now, and I just need to talk to you about some stuff."

"From when you were younger..." She trailed off, knowing exactly what I needed to talk about, and I nodded.

"Yeah." I whispered, as our waitress walked up.

"So, what can I get you two?" She asked, and my mother looked at me.

"Uh, just fries, please." She spoke, and I rolled my eyes. She laughed as the waitress walked away, but then it faded away.

She looked at me, and I bit my lip.

"Uh, I don't know if you remember, but when I was a freshman in high school, I had a friend named Lisa."

"Did she ever come over?" My mother asked, and I shook my head.

"No, but one day when you were super drunk, you came and picked me up from school and she was there. She had super blonde hair."

"I kinda do, why? Have you reconnected with her?" She asked, and I reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.

"No. Mom, she killed herself. I lost her in high school, when I needed a friend the most."

"This case is hard because it deals with suicide, doesn't it." She asked, and I didn't respond. She knew. She might not be or had been the best mother, but she still knew this stuff.

"Mom, I've thought about doing it when I was younger."

"Olivia." My mother breathed, and I saw pain in her eyes.

"I want an actual relationship with you, and I think that you need to know about this."

My mother reached over the table, and held my hand. She squeezed it, before using her other hand to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Alright, tell me everything."

=+=

I called the crew and gave them the rest of the night off. We weren't going to be able to do anything more tonight, because they were still going over the items we took from Kayla's room. They all went home, and I had them all call me on my way home, so I knew they were safe and okay. I didn't want to lose any of them, even though one of them is Dani. I wasn't going to be like Cragen, if we have a hard case, I'm going to take care of them, and check up on them.

When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed the living room light was on. I didn't want to get out of the warmth of my car, but I wanted to see my husband and kids, even though they are probably all asleep. The living room light was probably just on, because Elliot fell asleep on the couch with it on.

I turned off my SUV, before getting out and heading into the house. I unlocked the front door and went inside. Elliot was sleeping on the couch, and he was snoring loudly.

I sat my stuff down, and then took my boots off. I sat them down by the door, and sighed. Not having those on felt SO much better. 

I walked over to the couch, and I gently caressed Elliot's cheek. He snored loudly, before opening his eyes. I looked at him, as his eyes looked me over, before smiling.

"Hey, you're home." He spoke, and I nodded.

"Come on. Let's go up to bed." I replied.

He stood up, and we walked up the stairs, our hands together. He walked down the hall towards our room, while I opened the door to Maureen's room.

I stood in her doorway, and watched as she slept for a moment. I did that for all of my kids. I needed to see them. I didn't want to lose them, and I'm going to take even more strides to making sure they are okay. Because I can't lose them.

Suicide and self harm is a horrible issue every where. One of the most important things for anyone to do, is to just talk. Tell anyone about what you are feeling, and take that first step. I'm here. I'm sure that most of you are also willing to listen if someone needs to talk. Your issues aren't stupid. You are just as important as everyone else out there. If you feel like you need help, or someone that understands you, there are people out there for you. There are people who feel the same.

If what I'm saying is you, or you feel like it is someone you love, then please check out the website below.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Thanks for reading. You are all so amazing, and thanks for the support!