The Notebook//Joshler

May 4

joshua didn't answer any of my calls nor come home once yesterday, and i started to get worried.

so i went to brendon's house and knocked on the door.

josh's car was there, though.

i let myself in, the front door being unlocked.

what i found was joshua william dun, my fiancé, making out with his best friend.

i just kind of stood there for a minute, processing everything. i then coughed to get their attention.

both boys turned, their eyes wide.

"i-i'm sorry i'm not enough for you, joshua," i said before turning a running out of the house, tears flying down my cheeks.

i ran all the way to my apartment and locked the door, placing every photo of me and joshua face-down so i wouldn't have to be reminded of him.

the love of your life kissing someone else is... a lot to process, you know?

i heard a loud, constant knock on my door along with sobs.

it was josh.

i know that for a fact.

i had to get away from him, and the only place where i couldn't hear him was the bathroom.

i locked myself in there and suddenly spotted my razor.

and i relapsed.

the first time i self-harmed in over a year.

i sobbed and sobbed, sitting on the cold floor wondering what i could have done to be a better fiancé.

what did i do to him that made him want to do that?

what hurt even worse was that this wasn't the first time he'd kissed someone else. first emily, now brendon.

that only proves i'm not good enough for him.

so he should be with someone else.

-tyler