The Notebook//Joshler

January 3

today, i had work.

i work at a record store.

sometimes i sing to customers for tips.

i want to buy joshua something wonderful.

he comes from a wealthy family who supports him for who he is.

i have neither emotional or financial support from my family.

i came out to them at age 17.

i was disowned.

so i was forced to move into my own apartment.

my own, tiny apartment.

one bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living space.

nothing more.

i am constantly showered with gifts almost every day by my boyfriend.

and it tears me apart that i cannot do the same for him.

so i apologize and gently push whatever gift it is back into his hands.

he then tells me he does not care if i provide him with items.

he cares if i can provide him with love and support.

and i can.

so he stays.

he claims it is because he truly loves me.

i claim he stays because he feels bad for me.

i am struggling financially, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes, physically.

he is not struggling in any of those ways.

he tells me things will get better and that he wishes to take care of me.

and so i allow him to.

sometimes.

i love him.

i love him so much that it hurts.

is it possible to love someone too much?

-tyler