Tuesday 15th December 2015
It was past midnight when I got off the bus and dialed 999. I was alone near the street I lived. Like two blocks away. It got clear to me that I shouldn't go home because Nathalie had a spare key and she could be there. I was very much scared of her at the moment. The feeling that I was going to die was very strong. It was clear that I was about to die tonight. In a way or another.
I don't remember how I started the conversation with the person on the other end of the phone, but I clearly remember some sentences I said.
« I don't know what's real and what's not real. »
I was very much panicked. My phone call wasn't a joke. They took me seriously of course, and I was relieved.
« I think I got drugged tonight. »
It was the only explanation of my state. I thought there was something in the water I took at the bar.
« I'm going to die. »
« You're not going to die. Stay with me on the phone. »
« I stay with you. Thank you for saying I'm not going to die because I really don't want to die. »
« Where are you at the moment ? »
« I'm at the bus stop, near Holloway Road. One of the road crossing Holloway Road. »
I think she, yes it was a woman, was talking with the first responders or her co workers I don't know. But I thought she hang up the phone. I think now that she must have put me on mute or something so she could talk without me hearing.
« ARE YOU STILL HERE ? DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. »
« I'm still here, I'm not going to leave you. We're trying to locate you. You're not going to die. »
Thank god she was still here. I got so scared. It happened a few times that I thought she hang up because it was too silent on the other end.
« I don't want to die. »
I said that so many time.
« An ambulance is nearby, they're coming to get you. »
I don't remember how long we stayed on the phone. But at least twenty minutes or half an hour. I was half crying the whole time. I was so scared to die.
« What can you see around you ? »
« There's an offlicence, it has an orange sign. »
« Can you walk up the road ? The ambulance is nearby but they can't find you. You'll see the lights of the ambulance. »
I walked up, crossed the road. I got very cautious while crossing the road because I thought I would be hit by a car. Maybe that's how I'll die tonight. And then I saw the lights.
« I see the lights ! »
I started walking faster and then when I got there, it was a fucking small maintenance truck.
« Oh no it's not the ambulance ! I can't see the ambulance. »
It was an emotional rollercoaster. I walked a bit more and there it was. The ambulance. I was saved. I wouldn't die tonight.
« I've found it ! »
There was a woman and a man. I asked their names and I remember only the woman's. Nicola. Or what I thought.
« Nicholas said he was a paramedic before. »
I was talking about Nick, my HR. For me it was him but in another life in front of me. It made sens. I was trying to make sens out of everything that was happening. Finding signs everywhere. And it worked. I managed.
YOU ARE READING
High on love
Non-FictionLove, mental health and music. Back in December 2015 I, Mandy, got a psychotic episode, which lead me being like high for a few days in London town. This story tells how I got this psychotic episode and what I did during the episode. Be...
