High on love

At Vanessa's

I had to be quiet when arriving at Vanessa's because her baby boy was sleeping. We went to the kitchen and she asked me if I wanted to eat something. I decided on a banana.

« Bananas are very important. »

The thing is at the raclette party I came to her home with a banana, because I didn't eat it during the day at work and I didn't want to throw it away or leave it at the office for the whole weekend. It was silly to arrive at a party with a banana, so it became kind of a joke between us. But for now, bananas meant something else for me. Bananas = Penis and I was becoming Aaron so it made sens that bananas were important. I would have one soon enough.

I gave Vanessa Nick's phone number, so she can let him know that I arrived safely and so he could update her on the situation. I didn't tell Vanessa the whole story, what I needed was to sleep.

« Wanna try the tablets? »
« Without the tablets first. We'll see. »

Spoiler alert, even with the tablets it didn't work. Vanessa prepared a bed for me, not hers, a special bed just for me. On the floor. It was very confortable. She gave me two Teddy bears so I could sleep better. One was the gift I got their kid on friday night. A shark. The other one was a bear from Harrods. It was written on the label. I didn't take this one with me because 'Harrods' was similar to 'Aaron'. I knew I needed to get better and stop this nonsense about becoming Aaron. That wasn't normal. I was aware of it.

« No phone. Give it to me. »

And I gave it to her. I knew I wouldn't stop looking at it, and even worst, talking with Heloise. I just needed sleep right now. I was lying down next to a heater, what Myriam told me at Boots made sens. I was in a warm and confortable place, now I needed the music.

« Can you put some music? Even if I sleep, don't stop the music. »

And she did. Vanessa has lots of CDs and a CD player in her living room. I liked that about her home. It's old fashion, they keep listening to CDs when I listen to everything on Spotify nowadays. It doesn't stop me from buying CDs because I want to support the bands, and it makes a very nice collection.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't manage. I looked around in the room, and I remember a frame on the wall, with monkeys on it. It was moving. The monkeys were moving. I knew it was me having hallucinations, so I told myself that once I don't see the monkey moving it'll mean I'll be fine. But I needed to sleep for this. And I tried, I really tried. But I was thinking too much, and the feeling that someone that I love was going to die was back. And I didn't like it. I got obsessed with this.

« Vanessa ! Can I have my phone ? I need to make a phone call. It's important. »

She gave it to me and I tried to call Ivan. I was so sure he was the one going to die and I didn't want this. I wanted to check on him. Of course he didn't reply. I called lots of time, never any answer. At this point it was like 1 or 2pm, so an hour later in France. I was getting really worried because he didn't pick up the phone. So I start calling all the friends we have in common so I can get a hold of him. Someone that can tell me they know he's fine. I tried Crisp, she didn't pick up. I tried Pacc. She didn't either. I tried Anthony, he didn't pick up. I tried some more and nobody replied. That was a sign something happened to Ivan. I was feeling very bad. I called my mum.

« Can you try to call Ivan ? I think something happened to him and I can't have him on the phone. »

I sent her his number by text and she tried to call him too. I kept on trying on my side as well. I even called Heloise. For some reason she could be the one in danger. She didn't pick up either.