High on love

Don Broco's gig

Sunday 13th December 2015

I texted Ivan, one of my closest friends back in France. What happened with Heloise was huge and I wanted to let him know. Unfortunately he didn't reply. It was pretty late, it was just midnight here in the UK so 1am in France. I couldn't get hold of him, so I called my parents. I knew they would reply even that late. I woke them up and I told them all about Heloise and our plans to meet each others. I told my mum about Heloise before. I told her there was a girl I had a very strong connection to. But that was it.

Then I talked some more with Heloise on skype.

« Nothing is going to change if I'm going to bed <33 Even though these past two days are unreal. »

I'm going to bed around 2 am and I managed to sleep for 5 hours. I got awake by a skype notification from her. We started talking and the conversation went around a side that was painful. She says she's not in love with me. I don't understand because all she kept saying for the past two days was « i love you ». We talked some more and things got clearer, and I'm fine with what she has to offer. Basically she just wants to have sex with me, and then she'll see if she feels something more than just physical attraction. I'm fine with it because I'm so sure she feels more than just that. It's too strong between us. After that conversation we moved back to saying « i love you » every seconds or so. Back of being in our bubble of love. We talked about role playing, that we didn't feel like doing any of it at the moment.

« The thing is that what we want in role playing it's to feel something. We want feelings. Right now we don't need that to feel something. »

I even had a playlist « Feels » for writing. With songs that emphasize the feelings. That put me in the mood.

We spent the day on skype together, we did some webcam too. For hours. I talk to her about the band Don Broco because they are the one playing in Brixton tonight, and I'm going to see them live. I told her my favourite song by them is « Whole Truth » and I realise the lyrics applies to us.

« Would you jump overboard?
What a mess I made
Can't take what a mess I made, made, made
The whole truth would break your heart
Don't know what to say
Don't know what to say, say, say »

It reminds me of this big message I sent her. The truth certainly broke her heart in a way. She is divided between me and her boyfriend. And I've made a big mess in her life.

We talked about music some more, or mostly I did. I can talk about songs I love for hours. I wanted to share that with her. I wanted her to listen to them. I told her about « Skinny » by Pegasus Bridge because there's a sentence that I love in the song it's « We're two souls in tango » and I felt like we were like that.

I told her about Lower Than Atlantis because I'll see them live the next day. Yes it was some busy few days in my calendar. I had something planned every evening from thursday night to the next monday. I guess it didn't help with the mental breakdown that happened. I had my saturday and sunday daytime to rest at least. Anyway I told her about my favourite song of Lower Than Atlantis latest album « Just what you need », and I realised that the lyrics applies to us.

« Long blonde hair
I can't help but stare
Lipstick red
We'll end up in bed
Know that you will find just what you need
On the dance floor, dancing with me
If you want love girl, let's make some
I will show you the way that I move, you want it don't you?
Skin, soft touch
I can't get enough
Sparks will fly
We're making love tonight, till it's light »

I sent a tweet to Lower Than Atlantis for them to sing this song at the gig. We never know it might work.

We talk about when we'll see each others. How we'll get there. I'll go by train. I realised I haven't check the time and price yet. And I'm surprised of myself. I must have felt I'll never need it.