prosthetic leg ⚣ joshler [✔︎]

f i f t e e n

💭

i sat on a hill that i sometimes go to when i need to think, or just have a smoke. today it was a combination of both.

i didn't usually smoke, just sometimes when i was a bit too stressed or so. i knew it wasn't good, deadly even. but that's what i needed at times.

"ty?" i heard someone say, confused, behind me. i threw the cigarette away and turned around.

joshua.

"what're you doing here?" i asked in panic.

"i could ask you the same." he mimicked me from the day when we was out, late at night, about to buy drugs.

"touché."

he walked over to the edge where i sat and looked at me with questioning eyes.

"okay but seriously, what are you doing here?" he sat down as well and looked at me.

"it's beautiful here." i said, it truly was beautiful but that wasn't really the reason to why i was sitting here right now.

"that's true, so what's the real reason to why you're sitting here in the middle of the night?" i sighed heavily.

"it's my brother's birthday today." i felt tears stinging in the back of my eyes. fuck.

"hey, why are you crying? isn't that great?" his confused expression turned even more confused, i was sure he'd become an actual question mark in a second.

"h-he.. he's dead." i said and turned around, sure me and josh had come pretty close the last months but i had never shown me to him while crying and i wasn't planning on doing it either.

"oh, i'm so sorry, ty." he scooted closer to me and put an arm around me. i turned to him and rested my head against his chest. he stroked my back gently.

"it's getting a bit cold, you should go home and sleep, baby boy."

"i'm not gonna sleep tonight." i admitted to him. i had never opened up to some fuckboy, like this, before. it was kinda scary.

"you wanna come over to my place and like just rest then?"

"that was very fuckboy-ish, joshua." i sat up straight and looked him in the eyes. i didn't care about the mascara streaks under my eyes at the moment.

"just because i say fuckboy-ish things doesn't mean i'm a fuckboy!" he tried to sound triggered but gave me a small smile afterwards.

"well maybe not, but you are a fuckboy though." i smiled at him and stood up, he was right, it's getting cold.

"is that a yes?" he asked, referring to the question he said moments ago.

i nodded slowly in response, why not?

me
i'm sleeping at my friend's house tonight. xx

mom <3
who's this friend?

me
his name is joshua.

mom <3
a boy??? tell me everything when you come home!

you spend your nights looking at the stars, thinking your life would be better on mars.

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