Imagine If You Assembled The Avengers: Volume 3

Awkward & Apprehensive (Murdock x deaf!reader)

Continuation of Awkward & Accidental from Book 2

Matt's plan was to stop living the hero life once the two of you were married, or at least, once he had worked up the nerve to actually ask you, but on this night, he found himself sitting high above the city on a random rooftop, listening for anything that gave him that feeling. That feeling was the rush of his blood as his pulse began to race, his lungs pulling air from around him faster and desperately to counteract the surge of adrenaline that left him just a little dizzy. If he could be honest with himself, he would understand his addiction to it, but he would never admit that aloud to himself or anyone, not even you.

A sound of a raised voice just barely a block from where he sat caught his attention, but it just as quickly faded, and the rush never came. He chastised himself for this need, this completion that you couldn't provide, as if he were cheating on you somehow, as absurd as that sounded. He could be at home right now, next to you as he loved to be, curled into you as you read to him from your favorite book with your fingers absentmindedly ruffling his hair. It was a warm place, where he found a peace that he had denied himself his entire life, but yet here he was, sitting on a dirty rooftop, a biting wind pushing him from his balance and numbing the skin that peeked from below his mask.

What was he even doing up here?

Matt felt completely ridiculous now, and he quickly turned to leave before he lost even one more minute with you, but another sound caught him just as he was letting the night go. This sound was close, and familiar; it was the sound of panic, breaths too quick to count, and a beat of a heart about to explode within its owner's chest. He cocked his head to the side and concentrated beyond those sounds and tuned himself in to the pitch of the voice that the breaths tried to carry, though it was only a hint of what it was supposed to be. Matt couldn't shake the familiarity he was feeling, and it wasn't until a gasped single word was uttered that he recognized it coming from you, two buildings away.

Matt's body had never moved so efficiently, his feet landing perfectly with each step as he ran across the rooftops and leapt over the alleyways that separated them. He felt as if the winds were working with him to push him faster, like they knew that something was wrong and he was the only one who could fix whatever was happening. He had never felt such a centered connection with his own abilities, and it was the sound of your struggled voice ringing in his head pushing him forward. When he reached the apartment and threw the door open to rush in, he halted to a dead stop, panting and turned towards you in the living room below, with a fear like he had never known.

"(Y/N)?"

You didn't need to have your sense of hearing to know that he was home and that he was calling out to you; you felt the shift in the room as soon as he came into it. "Matt," you answered softly, kneeling on the floor next to the couch with a small box in your hands, "when...when did you...get this?"

"Shit..." he groaned, knowing exactly what was in your hands and hurrying down the stairs, "shit, shit, shit, that's not supposed to be there." He now felt like that beautiful cooperation from his body was lost, and he stumbled on his way to stand before you; his legs betrayed him and his knees wobbled in his fear, making him kneel in front of you so that he didn't accidentally fall and crush you, though it wouldn't be unexpected. "(Y/N)," he tried again, this time with a hand on your arm to draw your attention, "that's not...I wasn't going...I thought I put that in my room..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to find it. I dropped my phone, and when I ran my hand under the couch, there it was."

"It must have fallen out of my pocket."

"Sounds about right," you smiled weakly, "one of us is always dropping something or tripping over things we thought we'd lost."

"Yeah," he chuckled in return, "it's a lesson in survival around here, that's for sure."

The conversation that had barely started quickly died down, leaving the two of you sitting in silence other than the sounds of your nervous breaths and muted horns and voices from the streets below. Matt wished that he could see your reaction, if for nothing else than to gauge where your response was so he could think of what to say. He mumbled a few incoherent words under his breath and just finally made the leap, being the next to speak and break the intolerable quiet. "I wish I could see your face right now." When no sound came back, he reached out to touch you again to get your attention.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"I wish I could see your face right now," he repeated.

"Go ahead," you answered, holding steady when he reached up to run a gentle hand over your expression. "I could just as easily tell you that I'm freaking out."

"I heard you from two roofs away."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," he sighed. "I was thinking about this while I was out there tonight, and this just tells me that I've been waiting for the perfect moment that isn't going to happen. I have some ridiculous idea in my head of what this moment is supposed to be, but every moment together is perfect, so I don't know what the hell I'm waiting for."

He reached out again to find your hands, so you helped him and met them with yours, allowing him to take the box from you with a very shaky grip. "Matthew..."

"(Y/N), you and I are a mess, we know that, right?" he smiled, but you were watching his fingers delicately pull the ring from the box. He tapped your hand to get your attention so that you could see his words and not miss a single one. "We're a mess, right?"

"Of course."

"An accident waiting to happen?"

"Every day."

"But we're still waiting, and we're doing okay so far. Yeah, there's been a few bumps along the way, and a couple of days with you in that adorable eye patch-"

"That was NOT adorable, Matt."

"Sorry, I know," he coughed quietly, rubbing his hand over his mouth absentmindedly to force the smile to clear, "you're right. But my point is that despite the odds that we're going to accidentally kill each other, we've made this work really, really well. I don't know what in the world I ever did to deserve you, or for you to come into my life, but I do know that I have to do everything in my power to keep you here, because I can't imagine what it was like without you, and I don't want to."

You had a few moments in your time together when you had been thankful that Matt couldn't see your reactions to him, though it was usually when he was being an idiot and had taken your frustration to new heights. But now, this was something that you wanted him to know so he understood how you felt, feeling your eyes begin to sting as your vision hazed with tears. You took his free hand and brought it to your cheek, allowing a few to spill over. "I don't want to, either," you whispered.

"I'll stop," he answered almost urgently, "'l'll let this other life go, I promise."

"No, Matt, you won't."

"What do you mean?"

"Not for me," you said, still fighting the lump in your throat, "not because I want you to. The city needs you to look out for them, and I know it makes you happy. You try to hide it, but I know. Just like you knew that I was here panicking and heard me from two buildings away."

Matt's smile only grew wider, but he shook his head, almost in disbelief as he mumbled, "don't tell me that we need to get you a suit too." When you reached out and lifted his chin so that you could see his lips, he said the words again, although sheepishly. "I want a partner, not a sidekick."

"Believe me, honey, I have no desire to be out there, fighting at your side. That's all yours."

"But will you be at my side for everything else?"

"Of course I will," you answered immediately with a genuine laugh to clear your tears away, "we've just finally gotten this neighborhood trained to watch out for the Klutzes of Hell's Kitchen. This is about their safety, Matt, and you should be thankful for that more than anyone."