Never Look Back (A Lauren Jauregui Story)

Tell Me About It

"I don't remember telling my friends about these things, so this would be a shock for them too."

"Are you okay for them to hear this? I can ask them to move to the other room—"

"It's okay. I trust them." Lauren smiled at us as she sighed, looking back to Dr. Lexie. "I was an only child for about 3 years, before my brother Christopher came in the picture. I was so happy to have a playmate. We did everything together,  Chris and I, that's why we're super close. And then came Taylor who was another level adorableness that we had in the house. But when Taylor turned 3, our parents got too busy with work, they started traveling a lot. The business my dad had to take over was from our grandfather, and when he died, my dad had to take over things. I mean, I knew dad was about to take over before my grandfather died, but it was another level of  business when the real turnover happened."

Lauren sighed looking at her hands.

"My parents started leaving the house for weeks, and months even. We were practically raised by a chauffer, and some Nannies. While I became a responsible big sister to my siblings, our parents would send us all the toys and clothes and gadgets kids our age would beg for. The thing is, we didn't beg for anything. At the end of the day, when the three of us would sleep in our parents room, we just wanted them to come home and just be with us, like a real family."

"How did you feel about it? Them being away, having to tend to your brothers and sisters?"

"Neglected. Unwanted. Like they chose work over their own flesh and blood." Lauren said that silently as Doctor Lexie gave Lauren a few moments.

I didn't know these about Lauren. I mean we knew about her parents being MIA while she was growing up, but we didn't know about how she was feeling. We rarely talked about all our feelings, we just hung out, drink out and be teenagers. College was like that. It didn't involve the sob stories, and such.

"Did your relationship with your parents got better over time? How is it today?"

"It was an improvement, I mean I am able to hang out with them more now. We never really talked about the whole childhood thing, but when Ava came into the picture everything changed. They became grandparents."

They became grandparents before becoming parents. Wow. What an upgrade.

"So your daughter. Tell me about her." Doctor Lexie smiled at Lauren.

"Oh. Ava." I couldn't see Lauren, but I know she's smiling. "My little girl is 7, almost 8. She loves music, just like her mom. I could see her being a musician, you know. Like hardcore piano, guitar and all the instruments you could think of kind of a musician. She's like Lucy. Just like Lucy, and she's so perfect."

"How is your relationship with her? I mean knowing she's not biologically yours."

Straight forward. I see.

"It's good. She trusts me. Trusted me." Lauren looked down her hands. "I hurt her, physically, and emotionally, and I really understand why Camila would bring her to stay away from me. I deserve it."

--

"How was the appointment?" Clara asked as we walked in the house. They were in the living room with a glass of wine, probably done with dinner, while Mani and I followed Lauren to the kitchen.

"I don't want to talk about it." Lauren mumbled, siting on the dining table set as Taylor scooped her dinner. "I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are hungry. I heard your stomach a few minutes ago." Normani barked at her as she grabbed the plate from Taylor.

"I swear I'm not hungry." Lauren insisted.

"We will do this the easy way, or the hard way, Lauren. Eat or I shove this down your throat." Normani was extra angry today.

"Mani—" I looked at her sadly as she sighed.

"You're not my mother, Normani. Shut the fuck up." Lauren mumbled.

"Now you wonder why your fiancé left. Stop being stubborn and eat your goddamn food!" Normani dropped the plate in front of Lauren, screaming at her.

"Mani this will not help—" I tried talking again as Lauren stood up, briskly taking Normani and looking like she would crush her in half.

"Go ahead Lauren. Hit me like you did to Ava." Normani was testing Lauren. I know she's doing this on purpose, but she might get hurt.

"Lauren, come on. Do it! Oh wait. How about what you did to Camila. Will you do that to me too?" Normani was smirking as Lauren was shaking, getting angrier that ever.

"Normani." I walked to them slowly, putting my hand on Normani's shoulder.

"I'm not a monster. I will not do it again. It was a mistake. I made a mistake. It was my head. So please, stop it." Lauren's face changed into an angry one to a broken one in a span of 10 seconds, and all Normani could do was to pull in her a hug, and reassure her that everything will be fine.

Lauren was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. The doctor said it might be from her childhood experiences, or maybe when she got her heartbroken in High school, but it was severely triggered when Camila disappeared. Her manic episode made her do things she couldn't control, thus hurting other people.

In other words, everything that happened to Lauren all her life was bubbling inside of her head. It was about time she exploded. Unfortunately, she hurt the people she loved the most for everyone and even herself to realize she was not well.

I don't know how much breakdowns I need to see of Lauren for me to wrap my head around the situation we're all in, but the hardest thing we had to do the past days was telling her about the court order the restraining order Camila filed against her.

She cried for 2 hours straight that night.

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