Never Look Back (A Lauren Jauregui Story)

I'm Not Crazy

Ally was crying silently now, as I tried to compose my self.

"I had to do what's best for me and Ava. And if it means that I have to give her a restraining order just for her to get her act together, I would. So this is me asking nicely, Mani. Just don't fight this restraining order. I am doing this for the three of us. I love Lauren, so much, but not this Lauren that I love."

Restraining order? What's happening?

"Sometimes I think if this Lauren was hidden under the Lauren I knew. But how would it just resurface now? I am so confused I don't know what to do with my self."

"Mila, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Ally said wiping her tears. "I know this is a lot, but know that we're here. I am here to listen to everything your heart needs to say. I know you're confused, but we can talk things out."

"Camila, this restraining order?" I asked as she nodded her head.

"I already sent it. I have to Mani. I really have to protect Ava. I need to protect myself. I'm scared of her. I don't trust her anymore. That's why I'm doing this. So this is for her own good. If she needs medical help, please, I am begging, please help her. Help her get through this."

And in this conversation I learned that Camila Cabello is a selfless human being.

--

Lauren and Camila's house is a mess. After Camila left, Lauren had a little party on her own, thus this mess that welcomed Ally and I.

"Poor Lo." Ally said picking up the beer cans from the floor.

"Now we know who gets this house clean." I said picking up everything off the floor.

"She needs an intervention."

"FUCK TAYLOR!" I screamed putting my hand on my chest. It was Taylor, Lauren's sister. How is she here in this mess?

"Sorry to frighten you guys." Taylor giggled, walking to us and hugging Ally and I. "But she really needs an intervention." She sighed, looking at us pleadingly.

"Do you know any doctors, somewhere we could bring her to? I don't know any here in Miami, but New York has a few good facilities outside Manhattan." Ally answered as we sat on the now clean couch.

"I don't know any in the area, but I'd gladly be in New York for her on this one. I mean, she needs this, she needs her family, her friends on this." Taylor said sadly as I nodded my head.

"But putting her in a facility? Do you think that's better for her? Being away from us and everything?" Ally asked as I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know Ally. All I know is we need to see her first, then bring her to a doctor as soon as we talk to her."

"They're coming home soon. Lauren's asleep, so tomorrow, when she wakes up sober, and well, we'll all talk to her. We also need to talk to Mom and Dad."

"Well, everyone that will be involved in this, we need to get a game plan going. Knowing stubborn Lauren? This will be a long talk."

--

Lauren woke up feeling awful. She saw she was alone in her room, and ran to Ava's room to check if everything was just a dream.

"They left. They really left me?" Lauren said sobbing in my arms.

"Lauren, we need to have a talk, okay?" I whispered in her ear as she sobbed harder in my arms. "You know we need to talk about everything that happened, and whatever's happening."

"Mani, I didn't mean to do it. I swear I didn't mean to do any of this to them. You know how much I love them right?" Lauren cried, looking up to me.

"Do you mind telling me what happened?" I asked her as she nodded her head, not letting me go. We sat on her bed as she cuddled to my side.

"I didn't mean to force Camz to sleep with me, but I almost did, and the look on her face was heartbreaking. She was horrified. But my emotions were on another level. I couldn't control myself. I was so angry that Camz and I didn't do the insemination. Her ovulation period ends that night, so I was frustrated too. We paid so much for that, and putting it to waste. I was just so angry."

Lauren sighed, covering her face, crying her little heart out, again.

"I didn't just hurt Camila. I also hurt Ava." Lauren hasn't cried this hard in front of me before. College for them was passing out on the couch, getting high as a kite and just letting time pass by. They mended their problems with alcohol, drugs and sleeping around. A typical thing to do in Manhattan, if you ask me. So this Lauren that I see now, the Lauren that has been sobbing in my arms, and feeling every emotion is a new Lauren for me.

"What happened?" I asked as she hiccupped, wiping her tears away.

"I was mad at her, because she was part at fault for Camila leaving. And then I realized it was never her fault for all of this. It's mine. And I hurt her, physically and emotionally. The looks they were giving me, Mani. I don't they will ever forgive me. I don't think they will ever want to be near me again. I deserve this. I deserve everything that's happening to me. I really deserve it, right Mani?"

"Everything that happened, I think there's a reason behind it." I said wiping away stray tears on her cheek. "Lauren, how are you feeling about them leaving and relocating to California?"

"I feel angry, that they left me. But I also feel like this is my fault, so I deserve to be left alone."

"Lauren, I talked to your parents, and Ally, and it's everyone's decision for you to see a doctor." I slowly said as I waited for her reaction. It took a couple of minutes, and another sob from her. "Are you okay to go to the doctor?"

"Mani, I'm not crazy, okay?" Lauren said, her eyes pleading. "I'm not crazy."

"Hey, I'm not saying you are. We don't know what's happening, so we have to go to the doctor to see. We all know it's for your own good."

"I know. But they will say I'm crazy."

"No one will say you're crazy, Lauren, so stop saying that, okay?" I said tapping her leg.

"Have you talked to Camz? Are they okay? Do they hate me?"

"I did." She and Ava are in California with Camila and Dinah's family." I answered.

"Do you really think I need help, Mani?"

"You went through a lot, Lauren. Even when you were a kid, you were going through somethings already. You haven't healed from whatever you went through. I don't blame you for everything that's happening, but this will help you understand yourself more. You've hurt the people you love the most, so that's got to be something, right?"

That made her cry harder, and that, the realization of her hurting the ones she love the most. I thought it was going to be hard to convince her to go to a doctor, considering her stubbornness, but she wants this as much as we want it.

"We're all here for you, Lo. We have you, as long as you're in for this. Everything will be better."

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