P.S. I'm Dying

GABE

GABE

The time has come.

I want to quit, I want to go back to my car.

Natatakot ako.

Natatakot akong baka mamali ko ang gagawin ko kasi masyado na akong maraming nagawang mali sa buong buhay ko.

But then I remembered that I promised Xaviel to do it, kasi broken pa rin siya, unlike me, kahit papaano maayos na though ang tinitibok ng puso ko ay siya pa rin.

"I have an appointment with Mr. Belen," maikling sabi ko sa receptionist.

"Talk-Active magazine, Ma'am?"

"Yes."

"On this way po, by the way, where's your crew po?"

"Nasa van, naglalabas lang ng mga gagamitin." I replied.

Tumango naman siya tapos hinintay namin ang crew ko bago pumunta sa office ni Lex.

I heard laughs noong malapit na kami sa pinakadulong pinto and I want to run away. Kumukulo na ang tyan ko at para akong nanghihina sa takot.

Bago pa kami makalapit sa pinto, bumukas na iyon at lumabas ang babae bitbit ang anak niyang babae rin habang tumatawa, sumisigaw pa ito ng "May araw ka rin sa akin Lex! Gaganti ako, darling! Tandaan mo yan!" habang palabas.

Tawa lang nang tawa ang bata.
"Daddy, you are the best!" sigaw rin ng bata habang tumatawa.

Tapos nagpakita sa pinto ang mukha ng lalaking pilit kong tinaguan, ilang araw lang ang nakakalipas.

And that is the part where my knees went limp and I fell. . . on this restaurant for the second time!

"Nako, Gabe!" sigaw ng photographer ko sa gulat at hindi ako natulungan kaagad kasi may bitbit siya.

Bago pa ako makatayo, may kamay na, na nagreach out sa harap ko. Agad akong tumingala at nakita ang nag-aalalang mukha niya. . . and I badly want to hug him and kiss him but I stopped myself.

Nandiyan ang pamilya niya!
Though with or without his family here, hindi ko rin naman talaga gagawin iyon.

"Ms. Francisco," tipid niyang sambit bago kinuha ang kamay ko at itinayo ako.

My heart raced.

I want to pull him closer but I can't and I shouldn't.

He lets go. . . of my hand, just like what he did years ago despite his promise of staying.

"Lex, I guess we should go." nakangiting sambit ng asawa niya.

"Ah, Ms. Francisco, meet Cheska and this cute little kid, Maryse. . . my family." I pursed my lips and nodded at the two girls he is pointing.

Of course, his family.

"Cheska, Gabe Francisco, she was my classmate when I was in highschool."

That Cheska girl whispered something to him that made him laugh and I looked away.

I can't.

I don't want to witness their love, firsthand.

What, saying sweet nothings? Oh, that is bullshit!

Nangangati na ang kamay ko na magsulat sa journal ko, kaso nawawala!