If Not For You

Chapter 32

Jax made his way to Jenna and sat down next to her.  They were facing the ocean, watching the waves rise and fall.  "So, do you want to talk about what happened with Lena and Ben?"  Jax sat there waiting for Jenna to answer.

"Nah, I'm over that already.  You?"  Jenna glanced at Jax waiting for his answer.

He tossed his hands up in the air.  "Eh, that was so ten minutes ago."  His smile was contagious.  "So what's up?"

"I want to ask you something.  I know that you and Ben are best friends but I am asking as your friend, can I trust him?"  Jax was touched that she called him her friend.  She didn't just think of him as her best friend's boyfriend or her boyfriend's best friend, but actually as his friend.

"I've known Ben my whole life.  He's never had it easy.  Even though I've been his best friend since we knew what a best friend was there has always been a part of him that was afraid to let someone else in.  He was the one who you called on when you needed somebody, but he himself preferred to go it alone."  Jax looked out at the waves thinking about something that he wasn't saying.  "He always had his pick for girls, but he never picked any of them.  He never wanted anything to hold him back.  I don't know from what but I do know that.  There is something about you Jenna that makes him want to forget everything he spent his life learning."  Jax knew that Jenna didn't know about Ben's home life and Jax knew that it wasn't his place to tell her.  He was trying to get her to understand just how drastic the change in Ben was.  Jax wanted her to see just how much she saved Ben.  "Ben has always lived his life getting from one day to the next.  But you Jenna, give him something to wake up to in the morning.  You have made him start thinking about what he wants out of his life, when before he always seemed like he was desperately looking for a reason just to keep going.  Even though he could never find it.  He is a different person, he is finally happy.  He has never even had a crush on anyone and you, you he really truly loves.  He second guesses everything but with you he knew that he wanted you from the beginning."

"How can he know he loves me?  How can anyone know they love anyone?"  Jenna realized for the first time that she did want Ben to love her.  It was never about her not wanting Ben to love her.  She can finally see that now that she wasn't numb.  What she was afraid of was letting him love her and realizing she loved him and that not being enough.  It was just as Ben had said last night.  Through her clarity she knew that she just wanted proof.

"I don't know how to explain it.  It is something that just happens, when you are ready for it.   Some people go around chasing love.  They get something in their heads and want to find something to support their belief.  They aren't finding love, they just try to convince themselves that they did.  But the people who aren't looking for it, you can't deny it when it comes.  You and Ben are fighting so hard against it that you have to know it's real.  It worked so hard in getting you two together you should just give it a chance."  Jax smiled at the thought of Lena.  "I've known Lena almost as long as I've known Ben.  We weren't ready for love.  If you would have asked me about Lena a year ago I would've thought you were crazy.  Love knew we weren't ready then.  It waited until we were and it found us."

The sky was getting bright, as it does right before it is going to start to set.  "If you give Ben a chance I can't tell you it will last forever, but I can tell you that you won't regret it.  I think that you can both find in each other whatever it is in this life that you guys are missing.  Plus if he breaks your heart I know Paul will definitely break something of his."

Jenna knew everything that Jax was saying was right.  "Well what do you say we go get them?  I think we let them sweat it enough, huh?"  They stood up together.

Jax crouched down in front of Jenna.  "How about I give you a ride?  Hop on."  Jenna hopped on and they made their way back to the people that made them whole.