If Not For You

Chapter 10

              It was late afternoon and his father had been picked up by one of his friends and left again.  As soon as the car went out of sight, Ben got into his car and went to where he could feel safe again.  He parked his car in the soccer field parking lot.  He went through the woods to get to his tree, his real home.  He laid down on the soft ground and stretched his overworked body.  He would like to think that he would be sore tomorrow but he knew he wouldn’t.  He was used to being worked to the bone.  He shortly fell asleep.  He woke up shortly after with sweat running down his forehead.  He woke up to realize he was completely covered in sweat.  It was going to be one of those stifling hot nights.  He walked into the cold creek and attempted to swim around in the shallow water.

                He went to his car to get a change of clothes and go pick up something to eat.  When he came back, it was his favorite part of the day, right as the sun was setting.  He noticed a body sitting next to the water, it was tiny and dark.  At first he thought it might be Lena, just for the simple fact that she was the only other person who knew he came here.  As he came closer he could hear soft sobbing.   As the setting sun gave off its last burst of light before giving into the night he could tell who it was.

                “Jenna?”  He said, he said it barely louder than a whisper, not wanting to scare her.  He could see her lift her head and turn to look at him.  Her eyes were red and puffy.

                “Benny?  Did you follow me here?”  She asked. She wiped her face with her hands trying to get rid of the evidence of the tears.

                “No, this is kind of my spot.  I come here when I need some peace.”  He sat down next to her.  He didn’t get too close.  She seemed a little skittish.

                “Oh.”  Was all she said.  She just sat there staring at the water.  Ben’s mind was racing, thinking of anything that could’ve brought her out here by herself and to cry like that.  He didn’t know what to do.  After all the times he has seen his mom break down and cry through the years he didn’t really do well with crying females.  He just sat there looking at her.  “Did you ever wish your life was something different than it is?”  She didn’t take her eyes off the water as she asked.  Ben wasn’t really sure if she was asking him as much as she was revealing something about herself.

                “Every day of my life.”  Was all he said.  Neither one attempted to explain themselves.  It was as if they each knew the other meant what they said and that was enough.

                They both just sat there in silence for about an hour.  Eventually Ben asked if Jenna needed a ride home.  “I, uh, kind of have nowhere to go for a while.”  Jenna said looking Ben in the eye.  “I can walk if you have to get going.  My grandmother doesn’t live far.”

                “I was actually planning on staying here the night.  Sometimes my house can get a little hectic.”  He didn’t bother trying to make up a lie.  What would a good reason be why someone would be sleeping in the woods on a school night, especially on a night as hot as this? 

                “Yeah I get that.”  Jenna said quietly.   “So seeing as we have time to kill what do you want to talk about?”  Ben looked up at her smiling.  She seemed to bounce right back.  She leaned back against the tree.  She pulled up a flask that had been lying next to her.  She took a sip and then offered it to Ben.  He accepted it and took a sip as well.  His face got all distorted as he stuck out his tongue.

                “That is disgusting.  What the hell is it?”  Ben couldn’t get the taste out of his mouth and grabbed his cup and sipped the watered down soda out of the straw.

                “Um, vodka.”  Jenna said looking at him as though he were inferior to her.  “Are you done being a girl about it?”

                “That is NOT vodka.  I can drink vodka.  I don’t prefer it but I can drink it.”

                She looked at him as she took another sip, not flinching for a second.  “It is vodka.  Not good vodka, but it is vodka.  Sometime you just take what you can get.”  Even though she was just talking about the alcohol, it still struck him as a very insightful outlook.  As if in her own life this was the truth above all other truths. It was almost as if that in itself was the meaning of life.  Or atleast the ongoing theme of a meaningless life.

                They spent the next several hours talking.  They talked about nothing really important but they never ran out of things to say.  At one point Ben asked reluctantly if she wanted him to take her home, not wanting his time with her to end but not wanting her to get into trouble with her grandmother.  “To be honest I’m really not going to be going back there anymore tonight.  I was kind of just planning to stay here.”  She said it a little unsure.

                “Don’t you think your grandmother would be upset if you don’t come home?”  Ben said, not sure why he keeps insisting she go home considering how badly he wanted her to stay.

                “Um, well, actually she made it quite clear that I wasn’t to come home tonight.”  She said it very nonchalantly making a “what can you do” shrug.  “To be honest I’m kind of glad you came along.  I’m not like a baby or anything but staying alone out in some strange woods is kind of scary.  I wasn’t really looking forward to it.  I watch a lot of scary movies so I can only imagine what I would’ve convinced myself was out here in the woods.”  She offered Ben a weak smile.  It kind of reminded him of his mom.

                He was a little saddened by the fact that he was looking at a girl who had only been on this earth for 16 years and saw so much of his mother’s anguish.  Jenna looked like she lived through already, what a woman who had existed over 40 years on this earth had.  Most years of which were spent being beat down, in one way or another.  He wondered what kind of life Jenna had.  What could she have possibly done to be put out? 

He sat there staring at her wanting nothing more than to hold and comfort her.  She was looking out at the creek and the reflection of the moon on the water made her look so beautiful yet so alone.  He wanted to kiss her again.  He wanted to make her feel less alone, but he couldn’t do that.  Ben knew if he were to make a move she would surely run away again, and he was pretty sure she didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

Ben looked down at the grass and sat there smoking another cigarette while Jenna finished her flask of vodka.  They both knew that it was late.  Ben told her to wait there and he went to his car to retrieve a sleeping bag and blanket he kept in his trunk.  When he came back to where Jenna was he could tell by the ease now on her face that she was drunk, or at least to some degree.  He laid down the sleeping bag and encouraged her to slink down into it.  She had her messenger bag that she stuck under her head, apparently in an attempt to use it as a pillow.   Once he heard her breathing slowly, he knew that she was asleep.  Ben realized he didn’t ask her what her plans were about school the next day so he set his alarm on his phone for six, even though he knew that when he slept out here he always woke as soon as the sun rose.