One Year Left to Live | ✔️

Chapter 33 - Cry Me A River

"My name is Annalynn Johnson, and Shanalee was my sister-"

The small crowd was quiet and mournful, heads down in respect and sadness.

"-Although she was quiet and kept to herself, she was a very beautiful and lively young girl. She brought light into my life everyday that I got to spend with her."

Anna brought her tone to a whisper trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Shany was terrified of dying all her life, people would try to comfort her and tell her it's alright but she knew better. I wanted to give her another chance to live, I wanted to give her my years, I wanted to give her the world. And I promised her I would-" her voice cracked through tears. "-I promised her I would save her, that we would find a way to avoid the penalty of death together."

She brought her eyes down to the casket. "But I guess you can't cheat death after all. I broke my promise to you Shanalee, and I am so sorry. Now I'm going to have to live without you for the rest of my life."

Anna sobbed. She crumbled up her piece of paper which was now so drenched in tears that she couldn't read it. She started again in a whisper. "I love you so much."

She walked away from the podium and headed down to the closed casket. She took the flower she was wearing in her hair and placed it on top. Anna then bent over and kissed the wooded lid as a tear fell and landed just beside her lipgloss mark.

She wonders if she'll ever be the same without her sister; if she will ever laugh the same or even be able to look at her own smile without breaking knowing that it should have been Shanalee smiling like that. Not her.

"I am Shanalee's mother and I would like to say a few words about her-"

Annalynn left the service unnoticed and shut the door to her car closing herself inside.

Through the blurred tears in her eyes she caught a glimpse of the note she left in the dashboard for her sister.

She grabbed it and clenched it tight within her grasp, fighting the urge to rip it up and scream. Instead, she opened it up and read what she had previously wrote for her sister.

Dear Shany, I can't believe your birthday has already come. I was hoping we would have more time together, that time would have mercy on us, but this day had to come sooner or later I guess.
I knew that getting you a notebook for your last birthday wouldn't be a worthy last gift, so I have something else in mind but I can't tell you yet. You will have to wait and see. I do hope you like it, it came from the heart. I'll give you a hint though, I wasn't lying when I said you wouldn't die.
Don't stress though, you will move on and live a wonderful long life. You will make friends, and find a purpose, and do amazing things. But whatever you do, do not worry about me, I know you wouldn't want me to worry about you so the least you can do is do the same for me. I love you Shany, I love you so much. Thanks for making my last year to live, so amazing.

~Anny

Tears came rushing to her eyes once again, Shany never got to read it. If she had just stayed to read it maybe she would be here right now. Maybe Anny could have died in her place and fulfilled her promise, but alas, the moment passed and the chance missed.

Annalynn started the engine, deciding to go home before the funeral had finished.

Trees and other cars passed by her in a blur making it seem like she was driving much faster than she actually was, but she was too dizzy and lost in thought to even notice.

She reached home so soon it had seemed like only minutes when it was actually more than an hour.

Anna's face was drained of all its previous happiness and confidence. She had seemed to take on the worry and sadness her sister had once had, and if that was the case, Annalynn may never smile the same as she once had.

Her shaky hand reached for the doorknob she had forgotten to lock on the way out, she then shuffled inside and closed the door behind her before collapsing to the floor with her back pressed against the door.

Tears streamed down her cheeks one after the other in a never ending cycle. This is my fault, this is all my fault. I promised. I promised. I promised.

Through her clouded eyes, she caught a glimpse of something that looked identical to the note she had written for Shanalee. It had her name on it.

Anna then crawled over to the note and opened it up, she teared up immediately.

Dear Anny, I love you. I love you so much and I'm sorry that I have to leave. If I could help it I would, and I know you know that. But, I just don't think this is going to work out. I have to die, and there's nothing I can do. But it's okay, I'll be okay... I'm sure. I'm just worried about you, the one thing I wanted to accomplish in life was to not hurt anyone when I die, but now because of how close we have gotten in the past year, I know that's not going to happen. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. But I'm incredibly glad that I got to spend my short little life with you. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Thank you for making me feel like I was actually loved, and thank you for acknowledging my pain and worry rather then pass it by and not get involved, it means the world to me. I hope the best for you Anny, I hope that you can be happy for the rest of your long life and find love and succeed and not worry about me. That's the one thing I want from you, do not worry. Don't ever worry, I'm happy to die knowing you loved me, please know that. I love you,

Goodbye, Anny.