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Be Honest With Me

Darren had to get back to work the next day so I spent my time seeing what was on TV to watch. Owen had let me watch a good bit of TV growing up but it was all things he picked. None of it was age appropriate for me.

I found a channel that only showed cartoons so I settled on that for most of the day. I camped out on the couch and watched the different shows with Ted. Darren came out of his office for lunch and we watched one of the cartoons together.

I was going to miss camping once it got too cold to go outside but I was starting to like the simple days of just watching TV and playing in my room. It was pretty relaxing and it took away all the bad thoughts that tried to make their way to the front of my head.

I enjoyed my time with Darren more than I expected myself to. He was easy to talk to about anything and everything that was on my mind. It made me feel like he really cared about me.

I was headed to my bedroom to play with my toys when Darren called me into his office. His computer was shut off for the day and he was twirling a pen around his fingers.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to spend much time with you today."

I walked over to his desk and leaned against it. "That's okay. I know you have to work."

"I'd rather be spending my time with you, though."

I smiled. It was good to hear him say that.

"There's something I've wanted to talk to you about and I want you to be honest with me."

My eyebrows furrowed. I couldn't think of why he'd want to talk to me in a way like this. Was I in trouble over something? I couldn't think of anything I did wrong so I began to worry about what he could possibly want to discuss.

He turned to face me and clasped his hands between his knees as he leaned forward. "What happened between you and Owen?"

I knew that at some point, Darren would want to know what happened to me. He had every right to know but it was a sensitive subject for me. I'd blocked out all of the trauma for years. Sure, I didn't know enough people to talk to but I'd kept those secrets to myself and was determined to keep it that way. It scared me to think about opening up about something so private.

"I know it's a tough subject to talk about. Even with me. But I want you to know that this only stays between us." His voice was soft but it didn't ease any of the worries that I felt.

"I was his little girl for a long time. He had different rules that I had to follow..." My words trailed off as I took a shaky breath. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to let all that happened to me define who I was at that moment. Darren made me happy. He made me feel safe. I wanted to keep that feeling and that feeling only.

"Tell me about it, Aly. I want to know so I can help you."

I shook my head. My throat was getting tight and swallowing became hard. Is struggled to take breaths without my chest shaking.

"Aly-"

"I can't."

He reached out for me but I took a step back. "Aly, please."

"I can't do this." I turned away from him and headed for the door. Tears filled my eyes and I took deep breaths to keep myself calm until I entered my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and collapsed on the bed.

I hated thinking about Owen. I hated thinking about all that I had been through with him and all that he made me do. I didn't think anyone deserved to be treated the way I did.

He didn't have a good bone in his body. All of his thoughts were awful and sick. The way he thought that it was okay to touch me and make me feel bad showed that he wasn't a good person. He didn't care about my feelings.

And that thought scared me when it came to Darren. They were brothers. Sometimes, bad people had siblings who were bad, too. I remembered Owen watching a show on TV about two brothers who killed their parents over something stupid. It was possible and it scared me to think that Darren could be just like Owen. I didn't want to believe it but I wasn't going to lie to myself that it couldn't happen.

The door opened and I heard footsteps on the carpet as he came closer. He sat down on the side of the bed but, thankfully, he didn't touch me.

"Aly, I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you."

"You have no idea." My voice was muffled by the blanket over my entire body and face but I knew he heard me.

"I want to. I want you to tell me so I can understand."

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't like to talk about it."

"I know. I understand that opening up about something like this is hard for you to do."

"You don't. How could you understand? You've never been through something like this." I hated to be angry at him but I felt like I was being attacked. He wasn't letting me say no to talking about it and that made me really upset.

"Help me understand, Aly."

I could hear the desperation in his voice but I wasn't going to let it change my mind. "Just go away."

He grew quiet and a part of me wished I could see his reaction. But I didn't want to hurt him like I was hurting so it was probably for the best that I couldn't. He stayed for a few long seconds before he got up and left.

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Edited 8/17/2022