Maybe

11- "I'm Sorry"

It has been just about a week since the whole incident. I am taking it extremely hard; I have cut once more since my first. I always break down right after saying how stupid I am and how mad I am at myself.

I always think about Matt and how he's doing. I wonder if he's doing as bad as I am; he is my source of happiness and without him it's as if I'm not even here.

I have been crying myself to sleep every night, listening to sad music and just moping around my house. I barely ate anything; just an apple or at the most, a single chicken wrap. It's hard to keep my food down when I'm eating and all of a sudden I burst into tears.

I read our texts over and over, trying to make myself think that nothing ever happened. I like to think we are just best friends again enjoying life and just doing what enjoy doing. It's a whole different story now and I don't know how to tell it.

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ding dong ding dong

The doorbell goes off and I know its Alexis. She told me she was going to come over today and she said she was going to take me out. Honestly, all I want to do is sleep alone in my room, in the dark, sad music blasting in my ears, and a crap load of pillows around me.

"JUSTINE LET ME IN" She shouts from outside and I run down the stairs. I make sure to pull my sleeves down enough, so she can't see my mistakes. "OKAY! OKAY CALM DOWN." I shouted and let her in.

"Go get ready we are leaving in an hour." Alexis smiled and shooed me upstairs. "I'll pick your outfit just go take a shower."

I was confused but ran upstairs and took a shower. Once I was done, I stepped out of the bathroom and walked into my room where an outfit was lying on my bed.

A cropped tank and high wasted shorts; I was worried about the exposure of my wrist and I grabbed a baggy cardigan from my closet. I grabbed the clothes and changed in the bathroom again and did my makeup.

"Where are we even going?" I asked her and she looked up off her phone and at me. "Uh, just a little gathering. Why are you wearing a cardigan its warm." She questioned raising her eyebrows.

I stuttered my words... "Well it gets cold near midnight, so might as well be prepared right?!" I played it off and she just nodded her head.

"Okay, let's just go. Marielle's going to be there." She smiled.

I was actually excited to see Marielle, I don't even think she knows whats going on with Matt and I. Time to tell her everything.

Alexis drove fifteen minutes away and we pulled up to Marielles house. People were dancing outside with cups in their hands. Great... it's a party. I glared at Alexis and she nervously smiled. "Fuck off." I scoffed at her. "Come on Justine, you need to let loose." She smiled and got out of the car. I followed her and slammed the door. I saw Ryan's car here, good I can talk to them too.

When we got inside it was really hazy and I couldn't really see. There were a lot of people; I just need to find Marielle.

After ten minutes of trying to push through people to find the one person I want to talk to, I find her and I hug her tightly. "Can we talk? I really need to tell you stuff." I half smiled at her and she nodded her head as she to the back yard.

"So what's up?" Marielle smiled. I sighed and she knew something was up.

"Well you missed so much. I will tell you everything. But bear with me, it's a touchy subject." I looked at her hoping she understands.