Maybe

10- Broken (Matts P.O.V)

I couldn’t believe what I had seen; walking into Justines kitchen to find a random ass guy and her kissing. What did I do to deserve this; twice now. I didn’t really care for Maria but this felt my whole world came crashing down on me.

I ran into my room when I got home and my mom saw me and she tried to talk to me. I slammed my door and paced my room many times; I was so frustrated and mad.

I’m beginning to think she just felt bad for me when she agreed to go out with me; if that’s the case, I don’t know who she really is.

The Justine I know is quiet around people she’s not comfortable with and she won’t go kissing a guy she had just met, especially if she has a boyfriend.  

Last year, Justine had a boyfriend and it didn’t go too well. She always came to me crying at all the times she found him with another girl or how many times he tried to hit her; good thing I was there. It was scary thinking that she could get abused by a guy.

So I thought Justine would never cheat since she has been there before; wouldn’t she also consider my feelings. After just breaking up with someone that I caught cheating as well hurt to see it done again. Justine probably didn’t even care; she just kissed him forgetting what we had.

I punched my pillows and bed repeatedly frustrated at the things I have to go through. How can I trust anyone anymore; it’s hard to tell Justine things. I hated opening up to people, but Justine understood me; it was different with her. Now…everything we had is gone.

 

I took a nap for two hours to try and forget everything and clear my mind I guess.

 I heard someone at the door and my mom opened it up. I listened closely and Justine was here. I quickly locked the door so she couldn’t come in because I honestly didn’t need her explanation right now.

"Matt, let me explain." Justine knocked on my door. I didn’t want to talk but I needed her to leave.

"Stop Justine, you obviously don't like me. I thought what we had was genuine. Damn it's been 2 days, I knew I shouldn't of asked you." The words that came out of my mouth were true.

She started talking again and I sat up and walked towards the door. "Matt. Open this door."She knocked again.

I heard my Moms faint voice yell up to us but I couldn’t really hear what she was saying.

"Matt open this door and let m..." I swung the door open at mid-sentence and she basically fell into my room. "..me explain." She finished what she was saying.

I was getting annoyed by her trying to talk to me. I know that sounds super rude but I am so disgusted y her and the people and have surrounded myself with. I needed to tell her EXACTLY what was on my mind.

"No let me talk." I said looking at her and slamming the door. She jumped a bit at the loud noise and I paused. I thought about what I was going to say and my voice started to get shaky.

"You would think after 8 years I would know how you are. I was so fucking wrong. You're just like everyone else. I'm so utterly too in love with you to realize how you really are. You're just like Maria. I don't know why I fall for the cheaters." I screamed at her; she was starting to tear up and I just wanted to grab her and hug her tight as if nothing happened. But what she did hurt me and I’m so confused.

She started talking and she coughed before she did as tears fell down her beautiful face, "W…what. Matt n…no I'm not like her. Let me expl...” She walked towards me as she was saying this. I backed up and just gave her the most horrible look and she stood still.

"YOU THINK I WILL BELIEVE YOU. STOP MESSING WITH ME IM NOT GOING TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE JUSTINE; IM FUCKING DONE WITH EVERYONES SHIT." I shouted and she cried even more. I didn’t feel any remorse for her anymore. I was so done with everything; I wish Justine didn’t come save me and get those pills out of my system.

"MATTHEW STOP I DIDNT DO SHIT." Justine sobbed and shouted at me…She was getting mad

I thought about what I should say and if it was going to be too bad. Did I really dislike her enough to say I hate her? I don’t know… am I just mad and confused?

"JUST LEAVE I DONT KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I CAN TAKE EVERYONES SHIT. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE EVERYONE; I HATE YOU." I shouted and her knees were getting shaky.

Her mouth hung open and she was in complete shock, I regretted what I said. I didn’t mean it at all I just didn’t want to take her back and get hurt again.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? I CANT TAKE THIS ANY MORE!  YOU WONT EVEN LET ME TALK. I'm sorry I'm a screw up. I'm sorry you walking in on John fucking kissing me. Yeah that's right I didn't do shit Espinosa. He came onto me and he literally wrapped my wrists off. I can't even move them without hurting." Justine shouted in my face and now I knew I screwed up big time. I’m so stupid. She was hurt by John, emotionally and physically. How the hell did I let this happen; IT’S ALL MY FAULT.

"I don't give a fuck what you do with your life anymore because you won't have to have me in it anymore. If you hate me that much to say our friendship was a mistake I don't think I need to be hanging around an idiot." She said and collapsed on the ground. I’m such a dick.

Holy fuck, I screwed up big time. She probably hates me.

I knelt down beside her and crawled towards her on my knees and opened my arms up trying to comfort her. "Justine, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.” I started to cry. She slid herself away from me and cried even more. I’m so stupid, I’m so stupid I kept saying under my breathe.

"DONT TOUCH ME, DONT TALK." Justine screamed in my face and I was so shocked and hurt.

My mom came rushing in and started to shout at me. Justine asked if she could drive her home but I didn’t want her to leave. I needed to talk to her and tell her how genuinely sorry I was and how much I screwed up.

“I’m so sorry Justine. I love you” I sobbed into my hands.

They walked out and my mom slammed the door and Justine was gone and I couldn’t talk to her.  I was so mad at myself for saying I hated her; she is probably so hurt right now and Im not there to comfort her. Who am I kidding?! Even if I was there, she wouldn’t want me there.

I lost my best friend; the love of my life is gone.