Gratsu- One shots

The Letter

Mood: Depressed

(Who has depression or is close to committing suicide, do NOT read!!!)

If you stayed, listen to this while reading:

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"Dear Lucy,"

I write this letter for you to let you know the truth. I'm tired.

I'm tired of trying. I'm sick of crying. Yeah, I always smiled, but inside I'm dying.

Because I didn't want to you all to know my pain, I learned how to fake a bright smile. Don't be sad about it, I chose it.

I always wore that stupid smile on my face. It looks like it worked, everyone believed in it. I was always the one who got people out of darkness. Because I wanted to save what can be saved.

Because I know, I can't be saved anymore. I tried, really hard to make my fake happiness real, but it didn't work. It just didn't

The more I tried, the more tired and sick I grew of it. You can say 'You just faking it to get more attention!'  and it's completely fine. This letter is about that I tell you the truth. I don't have reason to lie anymore.

From the start, when I joined the guild, I wasn't in this bad state. I hoped, I loved so many people, I cared, I trusted. It vanished.

When I met you, I looked at you like a sister. A thing I felt so long ago, caught fire inside me again. Hope. I hoped you WILL notice my depression. But you didn't. You believed my big bright mask I built up that well. And that's not your fault.

Sadness is like a drug. It takes you away from reality and makes you see in a whole new way.

You asked: 'What's your feelings?' I said: 'Don't worry about me, Luce'. Because it doesn't matter anymore. You were too late. When you asked that a day or two ago, I was already on the ground. And I couldn't stand up or be helped up ever again. 

I saved everyone. But who saved me? I never showed any signs of needing help, because I wanted to BE NOTICED.

Do you know what it feels like to be tortured by your own mind?

You all always say I'm so strong. But you know what the worst part of being the strongest? No one NEVER asked me if I'm okay.

The things I had to do to make you all happier than me, made me sad.

Hehe, It's odd, isn't it? People die every day and the world goes on like nothing happened.

I have some advice, Lucy. So you can save people like me. 
Don't be fooled by an angelic smile, you don't know what's going on in the person's mind
Don't judge by what you have seen in a person. Because what you have seen in them is only what they chose to show you.

I have a question: Have you ever been forced to choke on the words you want to say and when you cough up the words every wants you to say, you turn to the exact opposite of yourself?

I could be saved. I had parts of me that were still alive. But it was broke to pieces. You know when? When Igneel died. That was too much. I wanted to die there and then. But I chose to not die. 

Because first, I wanted to save you guys. Lend Gray the book of E.N.D so he can reach his dream. Help you get back Aquaria or what her name was. To be like a big brother to Wendy and Romeo. But After some time, I didn't want to live anymore. I know I'm being selfish, because I don't think of how sad you all will be, but I'm too tired to care anymore. 

Please tell Gray that it's not his fault that he cheated on me. I know he probably thinks I'll commit suicide because of him. Tell Erza that she was like a big sister I always wanted. Tell Wendy and Romeo that I'm sorry that I couldn't be there when they grow up. 

And Lucy, I only wrote this one letter. When you read this, It's probably too late. But if not, and you want me to live, I'm planning on jumping down from the bridge of Magnolia.

Lucy... Please make me a happy funeral. I was sad almost in my whole life, don't let anyone be sad. I think I wrote too much already and you probably don't read this, because you ran to the place I mentioned but if you're  still reading... 

Tell Fairy Tail I love them. So much that I can't even explain. They were my only ones left. But, that was my end as well. I lost myself as well. I lost so many things in my life. Way too much pain comparing to the happiness.

And my last thoughts Lucy. I'll write down how I feel, so it may be messy:

Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. 

I wanted to talk about it. Dammit! I wanted to scream! I wanted to yell! I wanted to shout about it! But all I could do what whisper 'I'm fine'. 

The difference between you and me Luce is that when you wake up your nightmare ends.

Sometimes when I said 'I'm okay', I wanted someone to look at me in the eyes,  hug me and say 'I know you're not'.

Deep inside where nothing is fine, I've lost my mind.

I've known the worst kind of pain. Image: When you're too sad to the tears to drop. You feel nothing. It's like the world has just ended. You don't cry, don't hear, don't see. You just stay there. For a second, your heart dies.

I smiled in the guild. I went home, looked in the mirror.  I cried. I thought I'm ugly, I'm fat. I wanted to die. And the worst thing is that it happens all over all day until the day I gave up. 

That day is today Lucy. A month after Igneel's death's 4th anniversary. On the 7th of  August, x781. Today at 10 am I gave up my life. I brought this letter to you at 1 pm and commit suicide at 1 pm: 10 min. 

I wish all of you the best of happiness, luck and much more. 

And remember: Goodbyes are not for forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you until we'll say "Hello" Again for each other. That's why I'll say my goodbyes for the guild. 

Your Friend,"Natsu Dragneel".

Gray ended the letter, crying and shaking. He read up loud for the guild as the lifeless body of Natsu's were before him. Gray was on his knees. 

He was a second late from saving Natsu. A second. A DAMN SECOND. Natsu said his goodbye to the world and jumped off of the bridge. He drowned in the river.  What Gray said the last thing that week was: "Time of death: Monday, August, 7th... x781, 1 pm: 12 min."

Fin~

(It's 1pm and 12 minutes now where I live)