YourPalRossXReader

The reason why...

"I was a weird kid growing up. I never really fit in or made friends. I always saw you and we talked in the halls. Well then I wanted any excuse to talk to you. Any reason to say hi to you. I didn't care what I said, I just wanted to say hi. Well this girl at school had kissed me and I was angry. I ended up making a friend that day. Tim-Tim. I thought that he was such a good friend. That night I couldn't sleep. I was filled with rage. She kissed me without my permission and I was angry. I saw you come down stairs and wanted to talk. I knew that it was late and if you screamed you would wake up your mom. I got up and walked over. I stood there like a creep until I couldn't resist. I wrapped my arms around you. I heard you laugh and it made me happy! I knew that if I could make you happy then my life was complete. But then you walked away. I was gonna go back to bed, but I saw you walk towards the fire place. I remembered watching your mom put your phone up there and thought you might have needed someone to help you get it down. You started to walk to your room and I started to follow. I was shy and I never fit in well. You didn't say to stop so I kept going. I followed you to your bedroom and I stopped at the doorway. You thought it was weird so you motioned me to come sit next to you. I had shit the door behind me, because I didn't want your mom to see your bedroom light on. I wasn't sure if you would get in trouble or not. I sat down and we talked for hours. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I just wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hear your voice and to let you know I was there. You talked about your stories and how you would write them for hours on end. It made me happy. I knew you had something you liked and I was happy. I had this weird feeling. I felt like I couldn't be myself around you. I felt like I had to be the best me I could be. I found myself staring at your lips the entire time. It sounds creepy, but I'm being honest. I remembered what happened to me and the anger I had felt. I placed my hand on your thigh. I didn't know how I was supposed to kiss a girl. It kept replaying in my mind. You searched around the room until you laid your eyes on me. I leaned in and so did you. I was confused. I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. Then we kissed. It was everything like how we kiss now... but I told myself it was nothing. It was nothing when that girl kissed me. And from then on everyday I saw you I kissed you. I told myself it was because I wanted to feel like that girl did. When she kissed me without reason. Then one day I saw your mother catch us didn't say anything. I kissed your neck and walked out of the room. Your mom didn't say anything about it for about a week. Then one day we were alone. I told her that I couldn't be with you. I know thought that you were stopping me from being with other girls. I told her that I couldn't do this thing with you. She was angry. Although she was angry she didn't say anything to you. Tim found out though. He was making things up and saying that I went around kissing my friends sisters and that I was nothing, but a bad friend. It hurt me. A lot. I felt sorry for what I did to you, but I was young and I didn't know what to you think. We continued until one day she heard one day shut, but never open. She rushed upstairs to see me wrapped around you. I was kidding your neck and she snapped. She knew what I thought I felt about you, but she saw me doing this. The same thing I did when I thought I like you. She freaked out. She screamed me out of the house. As she shut the door I told her to lock it. I knew you would blame her, when it was all on me. I knew you would have gotten over me, but knowing that you longed for me for so long, I'm a jerk. After what happened your mom heard about what Tim-Tim was saying. She made sure that everyone was homeschooled. She hated me and didn't want you to get hurt anymore than I hurt you already. It was sad because I realized that you weren't going to pass by me in the halls anymore and say hi. I was bullied until I graduated. People made rumors like 'Ross hue Tim's sister SO bad that he lead her to kill herself.!' It lead me to hard times. I wanted to talk to you so badly, but I thought you were over me. I thought you had forgotten all about me. I was far from wrong. I will admit that I feel for people, but I refused to date them. I told myself I wouldn't date until I saw you. Where I could apologize or see you happy and with someone else. Instead I saw you with Max and then had sex with you only like a day after you two broke up. I'm awful and I know that..."

"Ross... I... I didn't know about any of this."

"If you hate me, that's fine. I couldn't let you keep hating your mother forever."

"Oh..."

"Yeah... were on speaking terms by the way..."