Chapter One: Everything Changes

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TW: Suicide attempt and panic attack.

Evan Hansen sat at the top of a tree, contemplating jumping. The tree was quite tall, about 40 feet. He crouched on the branch, slowly preparing himself to take the jump.

After all, he deserved it. With his social anxiety, no one wanted to be his friend. No one would even talk to him, due to his stuttering and just general awkwardness. 

He'd had enough. He took a deep breath, shaking. Evan reached a hand in his pocket, making sure that the note was in there. Good. It was.

He closed his eyes.

"Wait! What're you doing?" A voice called from the ground. Evan looked down. He couldn't make out much, as the boy was 40 feet below him, but Evan saw shoulder length, mousy brown hair. He was wearing a black hoodie and black pants, from what Evan could see from his spot in the tree.

"I-I... Um..." Evan suddenly remembered his mother. Heidi Hansen. Her wavy blonde hair, her caring blue-gray eyes. Her loving smile. She would be devastated over Evan's death. She would care.

Obviously, this boy cared, too.

Evan realised he had made a mistake.

"Just... Please come down, okay? We can talk about this," the boy yelled.

"Y-yeah, I'll b-be down in a m-minute." Evan started to make his way off the branch to climb down the tree when the world stopped.

He lost his grip. 

Evan felt himself falling, the blue sky above him getting further away. He heard a scream that wasn't his. Then everything went black.

***

Evan woke up in a small, white room. It was very plain, and the bed was a bit uncomfortable. Evan shifted, then yelped in pain.

"Ow. Ow, ow, ow ow." His left arm ached. Evan looked down to see a white cast on his left arm. 

That's when Evan remembered. The orchard. The tree. The boy.

The note.

Using his good hand, Evan put his hand in his pocket, searching for the note. It wasn't there. This wasn't good.

What if his mom had found it? She would never look at him the same way again. She would think he was ungrateful for what he had.

She would hate him.

Evan's breathing turned shaky. He felt tears coming to his eyes. 

His breathing grew worse, and he felt himself gasping for air. His chest felt tight and he felt shaky.

That's when Evan let it out. He started sobbing, whilst gasping for breath. Someone opened the door to his room.

It was the boy from the orchard. The boy's face brightened.

"You're awake! Oh... Hang on." The boy noticed Evan's panic attack and rushed to his side.

"Sh, Sh. It's okay. Breathe." The boy comforted Evan. His presence was nice, and Evan's breathing became slower.

"Control it, don't let it control you," the boy said. After about 5 minutes, Evan's breathing was fine, although he still felt shaky.

"How are you feeling, Evan?" The boy asked. His warm brown eyes seemed comforting.

"I-I... Um... G-Good, thanks," Evan stuttered.

"Not what I meant."

"W-what?"

"I mean," the boy said slowly, "how are you feeling mentally?"

"What d-do you m-mean?"

The boy sighed. "Why were you up that tree, Evan?"

"Wait... H-how do y-you know my n-name?"

"Answer the question," the boy said sternly.

Evan took a deep breath in, reciting the story he had planned to tell his mother in case the attempt hadn't been successful.

"I wanted to s-see the view of the o-orchard. I-I love t-trees and the s-sun was so b-bright and made the-the sky look beautiful, s-so I climbed and, um,  l-lost my grip and f-fell." Evan looked the boy in the eyes to try and convince him that he wasn't lying.

It didn't work. Evan started to cry again.

"Okay," the boy pat Evan's back to comfort him, "I'll give you a second to calm down, then you can tell me the truth." They boy held something in his hand. Evan looked.

The note.

"O-oh my gosh, y-you have it, hasmymomseenit? Doesshehateme? DoessheevenknowI'mhere?" Evan spat out quickly. He had a habit of talking very fast when he was anxious, which was a majority of the time.

"Relax, Evan. No, she doesn't know about the note, and she doesn't know you're here. We weren't sure how to contact her."

"Y-you're not going to sh-show her, are you?" Evan asked nervously.

"No, Evan, I'm not." Evan sighed in relief. "On one condition."

"O-of course, anything." 

The boy looked Evan in the eyes. His tone was serious, yet caring.

"Talk to me if you feel this way again. I want to help you."

Evan nodded. "I promise."

"Good." The boy said. "By the way," the boy chuckled. "Can I sign your cast?"

"W-what?" Evan looked at his cast. "Oh, s-sure." The boy smiled and pulled a black Sharpie out of his brown messenger bag slung on his shoulder.

He grabbed Evan's arm, which caused a sharp pain to rush through his arm.

"Ow." 

The boy looked at Evan, a genuine apologetic look on his face. He turned his attention back to Evan's cast, writing his name in large, messy letters across the cast, leaving no room for another name to be added.

Not that anyone else would want to sign his cast, anyway.

Evan studied the name on the cast. Connor.

"Oh, thanks," Evan said. The boy, Connor, smiled at him.

"No problem. Now we can both say we have friends." They looked at each other. "If you want to be friends, that is. I understand if you don't want to be friends with a freak like me." Connor looked down at his feet.

"N-no, Connor. I'd love to be friends with you." Connor looked up, a small smile on his face. 

"Really?" He said in disbelief. Evan nodded and smiled back.

"Oh! I should probably give this back." Connor handed him a piece of paper. The note.

"Oh, um, th-thanks." Evan reluctantly took the note.

"Do me a favor?" Connor asked.

"Mm?"

"Burn it," Connor laughed. Evan cracked a smile.

"I will."

"Good," Connor nodded. "I should get going now. See you later, Evan."

"Bye, Connor."

Connor started to walk out of the room when he stopped and turned to look at Evan.

"Just- Don't try anything like that again, got that? I was so worried that you were gone when you hit the ground. I can't even imagine how your family would feel."

Evan's eyes grew misty. "I won't."

Connor nodded. "Bye, Evan." He then walked out of the door, gently pulling it shut behind him.

Evan smiled, feeling giddy. He opened the note when he saw something scrawled at the bottom. A phone number. Connor's phone number.

Evan smiled more.

A friend.

Evan Hansen had a friend.

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