Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

33. To focus

And then again, because I thought if I didn't Sebastian might get hurt.

I'm imperfect, but I'm trying.

I turned to a new, blank, page.
"What do you wanna draw, Sebbo?", I asked him after rearranging, which made Sebastian very happy.
"A train, Rueee, a train!", he excitedly exclaimed. I giggled at his request, drawing the first line.
I gave him a pencil too.
He was rather satisfied with that.

When we'd finished our second train and a Tobi next to it, a sleepy - yet energised - Lin walked through the door.
"Daddy!", Sebastian screamed from happiness, looking up. The snoring had finally ended.
"Homeboy!", Lin answered, just as cute as Seb. "Did you escape bed this morning?", he seriously asked.
Sebastian looked down, denying the fact. I laughed.
"So innocent", Lin whispered to me. "Thanks for the present by the way, Niñita. You're the best"
"No problem", I quickly said, trying to get as far away as I could from the compliment.
Snap 23 times. Or they'll die.
"So... what are we up to today?", I asked, snapping. Seb was painting the second train completely red.
"Um, it's half past eleven. We overslept. A bit", Lin chuckled. "So - let's have a swimming pool slash beach day?"

Quick thinking, and it was decided.
About thirty minutes later, I'd taken my meds, and we were down at the pool area - sun hats, swimwear and all.
I'd put on two layers of sunscreen, because I'd read somewhere that it would prevent sunstroke. At least, that was what I could come up with.
Lin jumped into the pool almost instantly. Vanessa giggled, putting Sebastian on the first staircase step into the pool, Lin guarding him as they plashed water onto each other.
Vanessa was humming Come On Eileen, as I was arranging my bag, which made me nostalgically giggle.
Do it again, Rue.
"That's actually funny - that you're humming that. Eileen's kind of my middle name", I rambled, organising everything by colour.
"Like, come on Eileen, stop organising", I lightly joked, with a sarcastic tone to it.
V looked over at me.
"...kind of middle name?", she questioned. I blushed.
"My real middle name's April. Why? I was born in April. I was due in May, so if I was late June was the deal, or if I was premature, which I was, April. Easy way to choose, right?", I said, sad. Expressing hatred with my voice. I shrugged my shoulders.
"But that's just the way it is. Shitty parents & all. So, when I was little I was in and out of the hospital a lot", I speeded up my talking, trying to avoid the memories.
Did you really organise it the right way?
Check it. Check it again. And again. 4 more times. 23 more.
"And my favourite nurse's name was Eileen. Three year old me gave myself that name when I found out about the story behind my 'real' middle name", I added, making quotation marks with my fingers, speaking almost as quickly as Lin did when he was stressed or passionate about something. Or Lafayette guns & ships fast.
"Three year old you did the right thing, Rue. Like Anne of Green Gable and Cordelia", Vanessa said, sitting down next to me. I nodded at the reference, it made me a bit happier.
"I suppose so"

Me & Lin was on a mission to get ice cream, when he got stopped by a few fans.
I was hiding behind him - overhearing the conversation, that casually went; 'Oh my god! You're Lin-Manuel Miranda right? I love you! Can I take a selfie with you?'
Which, I knew, was totally fine with Lin.
When they asked about me I tried to become invisible, like Harry's cloak.
Blink. Blink. Otherwise they'll find you annoying.
As my routines got seemingly longer and the breaks shorter, they left. I wondered if they'd been looking for him for days, or just bumped into him by accident.
"You okay?", Lin suddenly asked. I nodded, finishing off the latest tap-session.
He seemed to keep looking at me with that worried face he had.
Distract him. Don't let him see you weak.
"Shall we get that ice cream or?", I said.
"Yeah", we began walking again, towards the little shop by the beach that, according to Lin, had the best ice cream & coffee ever.
We were stood in the queue, waiting for the old couple in front of us to finish their order, as I picked up the little note of what flavours we were getting. Serving my worries away.
"Really, Rue?"
"Really, Lin. Really", I answered his ironic comment by, as we finally were first in line & Lin started to speak Spanish with the barista.
When he was finished, he laughed at my clueless face.
"You'll pick it up soon, Niñita", he assured me. "And I might've ordered a coffee too", Lin added, so pleased with his decision.
"Of course you did that", rolling my eyes. All of a sudden, he was surrounded by three fans again. He mouthed a 'sorry' to me, as he signed one of the girl's t-shirt, 15 meters away. Soon, more fans joined. The ice cream bar was placed so you could order from the beach walk, watching the waves and or the still sea - depending on what the weather was feeling that day.
As I leant against one of the standing tables, waiting for everything that I suspected Lin had ordered secretely, a man, maybe in his thirties, walked over to me with such an arrogant look on his face.
"Hey, pretty girl", he smoothly said. "Don't scream, or you'll forget it", he strictly said, making me shake from fright. I kept my mouth shut.
Tap the table. Quick. Rhythm. 256.
Blink. 72.
"What's your name, then?", he asked, taking off his sunglasses, like this was a casual thing. I quickly backed away, holding a tight grip on the receipt. He calmly put his hand on my shoulder, making me shiver.
"Leave me alone", I weakly said, my voice shaking.
The anxiety inside of me was building up, like an unsteady building about to fall.
I couldn't breath.
Hold your breath. Don't let go until it feels right.
"I asked you something, pretty", his voice beginning to sound more demanding.
Tap. Tap the table.
I let go of my breath as his hand became tighter around my shoulder, hurting.
I must've done something wrong, right? Did I step on a crack here? Didn't I organise my bag enough?
"Rue", I quickly & quietly said, taking a deep breath as my many thoughts made me hold my breath out of fright.
I was shaking, really trying to focus on doing everything right but everything turned out wrong.
"So, Rue, I thought you could answer a few questions for me while...", his hand was down to my waist.
Still, I was blaming myself as my thoughts flickered in front of me. I felt like the world was getting smaller, like I was being pulled away from reality in my own bubble. My pulse had never been that high.
His hands moved further down.
"No. Please, please, just leave me alone...", I faintly attemped, scared for my life. More routines fell into the situation. More things that felt needed.
I'd put the light switch on off on the real world.
All that mattered was my routines that got worse by the millisecond.
I felt the first tear fell from my left eye.
Tap. Tap. TAP.
Petrified, I couldn't move from my spot.
Or they'll die Rue, they will die if you don't do that perfectly.
Suddenly the man's hand was off me. I was still stuck in my routines.
Panicking, I let go off my breath again starting to breath so heavily, so stressed, like there was a stone in my stomach - dragging me down.
Suddenly, sounds would start to break through my bubble.