Texas Nights - Book 13 of the Damned of the 2/19th

How Could You?

Room 275
Barracks Area
15th Forward Support Battalion Company Area
Fort Hood, Texas
CONUS
26 September, 1991
1900 Hours

The room was pitch black except for what light leaked around the heavy Army issued curtains that shielded the window and a sliver of light at the bottom of my door.

Enough for me to see clearly as I laid on my bed, still in my uniform, staring at the ceiling.

The ashtray on my chest held half a pack of cigarettes. I'd been chain smoking since SFC Placer had left. He'd boxed up my old uniform, the heavily damaged bloodstained gear, taped the box shut, and put it against the wall between the three sets of wall lockers.

I wanted a drink so bad I could taste it. Taste the fizz of the cola, taste the raw alcohol of the Bacardi 151, feel the ice bump my lower lip. It made my hands tremble, the desire for a drink was so strong.

My mind kept telling me I deserved it, that I needed it to carry on after seeing that uniform.

Instead, I laid in the dark, smoking cigarettes, my little teddy bear resting on my stomach, staring at the ceiling with my sunglasses on the dresser next to my bed.

The only thing I had done was hook up my stereo and throw the packing against the wall.

Now a tape was playing.

One of Stillwater's mix tapes that he carried in his Walkman, that he'd given me one of the times I'd borrowed the small tape player. I'd forgotten to return it to him, the tape that is, when the Ground War had started.

I wondered, not for the first time, what had happened to the Walkman. Was it out there in the sand somewhere? Was it in his personal effects? Had his father given to his little sister, who'd always coveted it? Did some Air Force puke steal it?

The knock at the door startled me. I looked at the luminous hands of the wind-up brass alarm clock, saw it was 1900 hours, and frowned.

"Enter," I called out, setting the ashtray and stuffed animal on the desk as I sat up, my right hip popping with a squishy feeling.

The door cracked open and I looked away, shielding my eyes.

"May I come in, Chief?" Captain Jane asked. "Major Cribbs is with me."

"Yeah, whatever," I said, lighting another cigarette. The flame made me wince, and I closed my firing eye out of habit. I snapped the lighter closed as the two of them entered.

"Can I turn on the light?" Major Cribbs asked.

Captain Jane was pulling a chemlight out of her pocket and stripping off the plastic.

"No," I said harshly. I didn't feel like putting on my sunglasses.

Captain Jane shoved the plastic in her pocket as she shook the chemlight.

"Do you mind? It's blue, I didn't think red would be a good idea," She said softly.

"It's fine, whatever," I said, grabbing my sunglasses. I put them on my forehead, where I could quickly drop them down if needed, and she cracked the chemlight.

"Why don't you want the light on? Are you dressed?" Major Cribb asked as the light slowly brightened. The blue was soft, dark, and fit my mood.

"I'm dressed. I'm relaxing, I don't like bright light," I told him.

I could see plain as day, even though everything was tinted blue. Captain Jane grabbed the two chairs from the desks.

"Mind if we sit?" She asked, her voice gentle.