The Pain of Loving Her

Chapter 17

I wake up with pieces of blonde hair in my mouth. Clarke has me pinned against the back of the couch we must have fallen asleep watching TV last night. I can't really move because I don't want to wake her. I reach above my head trying to locate my phone. I grab on to one and realize it's Clarke's. It's only 8:00 so I will let her sleep for a bit longer. I fight the urge to look through her phone but curiosity gets the best of me. I'm sure she has nothing to hide but I realize I don't know her password.  I start typing in random dates that correspond with her life. I can't figure out anything maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't be on it. I use my thumb to press out of the password screen and it opens. What the hell? She must have done it when I was asleep or something because I don't remember her linking it to my finger print. Now that I'm in though I start scrolling through her pictures. To my surprise there is a lot more of me on there than I thought. I smile looking at each one and memories flooding back. I send some of my favorite ones to me. I continue scrolling through them when I feel Clarke turn over and rest her hand on my side.

"Finding anything good?" she sleepily asks.

"Eh you're pretty boring" I pull her on top of me. Sitting her phone aside I wrap my arms tightly around her.

"You just didn't find where I hide all my exciting things" I look at her wondering if she is serious, "I kidding baby I have nothing to hide from you." She kisses me.

"Good morning" I say as she pulls away and sits on top of me. "You ready for today?"

"I guess even though I'm not looking forward to just being your friend" that's definitely going to be hard. It's not like I don't want to tell them I just can't.

"Well we will have to be out little secret won't we?" She nods looking a little sad. " I know its not the same. I'm sorry."

"Its okay I just want people to know exactly what you mean to me." I sit up with her in my lap. She rests her forehead on mine and we sit there in silence.

"Lexa I really hope you are up and moving. We have to be there in two hours." My mom breaks the silence as she screams from the top of the steps.

"We are up. Clarke is heading for the shower now." With that Clarke gets off me and follows the cue to get in the shower that is in the basement. She walks into the bathroom.

I figure she will take a lot longer than I do in the shower so I run upstairs to take a quick one in the bathroom Lincoln and I share. The best thing about Thanksgiving is that I am not forced to wear a dress. I put on a nicer flannel and some jeans. I keep the flannel unbutton though exposing the plain black V-neck underneath. I put on some boots. My mother picked them out for me but honestly they aren't that bad. I head back downstairs to clean up. I fold the blankets and put the pillows back in the cabinet. I clean up the cups and snacks putting them in the proper cupboards in the bar area. I quickly run back upstairs to brush my hair out and braid it. Clarke is finally out of the bathroom now. She looks amazing. Her hair is down and she is wearing a cranberry colored dress with a cream scarf. She also has some rather tall boots on with socks sticking out of the top. She loos so amazing. I know I'm staring but I can't take my eyes of her.

"Lexa?" Clarke snaps me out of my day dream.

"Sorry you just look so good." I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her. I bury my face in her neck taking in her smell.

"I think we need to go upstairs now." I was dreading her saying that. She kisses me quickly.

"More" I say. And she kisses be again a little bit harder.

We then walk upstairs to greet my family. My mom is throwing the last of the food in the car. The rest of us walk outside and load into the car. Luckily, the car ride is only a few minutes away. When we get to my grandparents house we each grab something to take inside. When we knock on the door my crazy aunt Indra opens the door. I quickly duck inside we she reaches out to hug my brother. That's the worst part about these family events everyone wants hugs and stuff. Clarke follows closely behind me until we get to the kitchen. My favorite uncle Henry is eating crackers when we walk in.

"Hey kid." He says as he picks me up in a tight hug. "What's new with you?"

"Nothing much just the same old crazy parents." I flick his hat off his head when he puts me down.

"I know what your saying kid. If I hadn't grown up with Titus I never would have guessed we were related. He is so up tight." We both laugh. He actually understands my pain.

"Oh sorry. This is Clarke. Clarke this is Henry." Henry pats her oddly on the shoulder intentionally making things awkward. He loves to make people feel uncomfortable.

"Why do you have to do that?" I ask.

"I find it fun," He looks at Clarke and says  "I am so sorry for the rest of the people you have to meet today but I mean if you seem to like little Lexi  over here and she's the worst one." Clarke cracks a smile.

"I hate you" I say grabbing Clarke and introducing her to everyone else. Soon it is time to eat.

We all stand around the table as my grandma leads us in a prayer. Once that is over I take a seat next to Clarke. They begin passing around the bowls of food. Henry is down by us so he is cracking jokes about all the people here. Lincoln, Clarke and I are all laughing pretty hard. After my mom yells at us to calm down I feel a leg brush up against mine. I think it might just be an accident though because she is eating and not paying any attention to it. It happens again though this time I nudges back. I then place my hand on her thigh under the table. Clarke pretends to be typing on her phone. I assume to distract herself from my hand. Suddenly I notice my phone lights up.

Clarke: I love you

I smile squeezing her leg. No one seems to be paying any attention so I squeeze it again. I begin sliding my hand up her leg wanting to have a little fun. Since she is in a dress it is easier.  I stop once my fingers hit the edge of her underwear. I didn't really mean to go that far up. I slide the hand back down but Clarke kicks me. I guess she doesn't mind it. I slowly move my hand back up. I have tp remove it though because someone asks for the rolls and I remember that Clarke and I are not alone. We both smile briefly at each other a little embarrassed and slightly worried.

The rest of the day goes by pretty great. When we returned home I have to say goodbye. Since she decided to drive to my house I don't get to take her home. All we can do is a hug goodbye now. Which is fine but I kind of wanted more. I wave to her at she pulls out of the drive way. I really hate watching her go.