The Pain of Loving Her

Chapter 12

I wake up to the feeling of someone rubbing their thumb across my wrist. I realize Clarke is looking at the scars running up my wrist.

"Good morning babe" I say as I kiss her on the head and remove my wrist from her hands. She quickly grabs it back.

"I thought you were going to stop doing this."

"I have. Well kind of. I just can't seem to stop." Ever since Clarke and I first kissed I have stopped on the cutting. I finally found another thing that makes me happy.

"Well you are going to stop right now. You have me to comfort you when you are sad."

"Man I love you" shit did I just say that out loud? Next thing I know Clarke flips me on my back. She is straddling me and kissing me. I sit the both of us up and reach for the bottom of her shirt. I begin pulling it up when there is a sudden bang downstairs.

"Shit that's my mom. We should probably go downstairs I'm sure she has made breakfast." We both get out of bed and head downstairs.

"Morning." Clarke says and takes a seat at the table.

"Good morning girls. You must be Clarke's girlfriend?" She reaches out to shake my hand.

"She's not my..." Clarke says.

"That's not what you said yesterday when you were asking if she could stay over. You said something along the lines of greatest, hottest, nicest person you have ever met and that it would be so great if I would allow her to stay the night." Clarke's face turns bright red and she puts her head down on the table avoiding her mother and myself.

"I'm Lexa. Nice to meet you Mrs. Griffin."

"Call me Abby dear. From what I have been hearing from this one," she motions towards Clarke whose head is still clearly embarrassed," you are going to be over here quite a lot."

"I plan to be ma'am."

"So formal. You are much more polite than boy Clarke's brought home."

"Well I must impress the mother of girlfriend right?" Abby and I both laugh a bit and I wink at Clarke. Clearly Clarke doesn't like us poking fun at her. We will have to talk about it later.

"The only thing you need to do is care of my little girl."

"I promise I will. She is the most important person in my life and I plan on keeping her around for a while."

"I'm going to hold you to that. Well I have a shift at the hospital have fun but not too much fun." With that she grabs a bag and keys and walks out the door.

Clarke gets up from the table and runs up to her room. Obviously trying to avoid the conversation we are inevitably going to have to have. I follow her up. She is on her bed with her face buried in a pillow. I lay down beside her and poke her side making her groan.

"So girlfriends huh?" I ask kissing her shoulder.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Her voice is muffled by the pillow.

"Something about greatest, hottest, nicest person you have ever met. "

"Nope not ringing a bell." I lean in close to her ear.

"Well Clarke Griffin will you be my girlfriend?"

"I guess," she doesn't sound that enthusiastic about it. I am kind of hurt by it. "Lex I'm kidding I would love to be your girlfriend." She turns over. I get on top of her this time. After several minutes of kissing I pull us apart. I don't think I am ready yet to go any further.

"So what do you want to do today?"I rolling on my back beside her grabbing her hand.

"I was enjoying what we were just doing but someone pulled away"

"I just... I'm not..." I don't know how to say what I want to say.

"I know you're not ready. I'm not going to rush you in to anything."

"I don't want to make you wait though. I know you enjoy umm sex so I feel bad." I really do. This was one of my biggest concerns with the relationship. Doing things like that scares the hell out of me.

"You're first time needs to be special and I intend to make it that way if the time ever comes." She pecks me on the head.

"Who said it would be my first?" Memories flash before my eyes of a time I wish I could forget.

"Wait what? Who?" Clarke asks confused.

"Don't worry about it.," I get out of the bed. I know tears are forming in my eyes."Lets go bowling or something."

"Lexa what is it?"

"Nothing. Just leave it alone. Please." A tear falls down my face. I need to change the subject quickly.

"Okay I will," she says and comes over to me. "We don't have to talk about it right now. It is obviously upsetting you." She hugs me and we just stand there in each other's arms for what feels like forever.

"So you want to go bowling now?"

"Yes but I get to pay"

"Oh hell no. This is are first official  date as a couple and like hell if you think I'm letting you pay first."

"We will see when we get there." She jokes back.

We both get dressed. She's in shorts and a pocket t-shirt. I have on jeans and v-neck with a red and black flannel. It is the end of September so I can justify the long sleeves even though it's probably hot as hell outside. I grab the my stuff. As much as I would love to stay the night again I don't think my parents would approve. In fact I don't think my parents are going to approve of Clarke at all if they ever find out. I will have to cross that bridge when it gets there I guess. We get in her car and Clarke pulls a hat off of her dash board. I recognize it as mine.

"You are never getting this back by the way" It's scary how she know what I'm thinking.

"I figured that. Now I will just have to find something of yours to steal"

"Well you already stole my heart what else could you want" She smiles.

"Damn. That was the most cheesy thing I have ever heard." I say through laughter.

"You love it though" she says as she tickles my side.

"Eh. It was alright"

"Asshole." She pulls into the parking lot. We both get out. I walk up to the counter, Clarke doesn't fight me when I pay for it. We get our shoes. Then walk over to lane we were assigned. Clarke puts on her shoes and I type in the names and set everything up. I am put my shoes on then stand up to go first. Before I step up on to the platform two arms wrap around me. "I think I love you too, Lexa Woods"