The Redemption of Severus Snape

Part 68

Snape looked chastised and defeated. He tilted his head toward the bed. "I don't think I can..." Harry put his hand over his mouth as he felt his stomach lurch and heat rise into his face. The very idea of Snape saying or doing anything remotely sexual embarrassed and sickened him, but he also felt tremendous pity at the thought of the poor guy being impotent.

"I told you, I don't care about that. Give yourself some time. You're still healing." Snape dropped his head, and his face became obscured by a curtain of black hair. He took the blue bottle from her hand and began to play with its stopper, repeatedly popping it off and reclosing it. "Why do you want me?" He spoke so softly that Harry had to strain his ears to hear him. He sounded very much like a child asking a parent if he was handsome, knowing full well that he wasn't, and fearing that parent will tell him the truth, but at the same time dreading the potential lie designed to spare his feelings.

"How many times do I have to answer that, Severus?" said Lindsay patiently. "You know why; you can see it, and I've never tried to hide it from you. I can't explain it. It's just something fundamental to me. I don't question it, but I am grateful for it...and for you." She was quiet for a moment, apparently waiting for him to say something. When it was obvious that he wasn't going to reply, she spoke again, "Do you want me to rub that liniment on your leg, or are you just going to play with the stopper all night?"

"Harry!" whispered Hermione. "What are you doing?" Harry quietly closed the bedroom door, silently took Hermione by the arm, and walked farther down the hallway with her. "They weren't doing anything, Hermione. You don't actually think that I'd watch them... do things?"

"I should hope not. Thinking about them doing things is revolting enough."

"Their door was ajar, and I went to close it when I heard Lindsay singing. I just listened for a moment."

"She does have a lovely voice, doesn't she?" said Hermione.

"Yes, she does. So what are you doing up? I thought everyone was in bed."

"I was in bed. Ron's snoring woke me up. I'm two rooms away from him, and I can still hear him. I thought I'd get a snack or something before I try again."

"Mind if I join you?" asked Harry. They made their way, arm in arm, downstairs to the kitchen. It was almost as if Ron could smell the food the second Hermione opened the refrigerator door. He materialized in the kitchen doorway rubbing his belly and yawning.

"Did you hear that guy snoring?"

"Yes, we did," replied Hermione with a roll of her eyes. Harry made tea while Hermione cut three slices of cherry pie. Ron needed more than a slice of pie to fill his stomach and rummaged through the fridge piling food onto a plate. They each sat at the kitchen table to tuck in.

"What's the matter, Harry?" said Hermione. "You've been looking grim for days."

"I don't know," said Harry. "It's everything I guess. When I was watching Snape and Lindsay—"

"That's disgusting!" said Ron, nearly choking on his mouthful of food.

"It hasn't stopped you from eating though, has it?" said Hermione. Ron made a face at her.

"They weren't doing anything, Ron," said Harry. "It's just hard to look at him."

"I know," said Hermione. "He's very ill, and Lin said the seizures might have caused permanent damage to his legs."

"What seizures?" said Ron. "How do you know that?"

"I was talking to Lin obviously. He had seizures while in hospital. He had a huge amount of snake venom in his body and the blood loss was tremendous."

"When I was watching him earlier," said Harry. "I thought how easily it could've been me."

"What do you mean?" said Hermione.

"Snape's life was a lot like mine. I could've made the same choices he did. I could've been him."

"You are nothing like Professor Snape, Harry," said Hermione, appalled.

"That's not true really," replied Harry. "I had so many people looking after me, steering me in the right direction; Dumbledore, Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, and Ron's parents. It was virtually impossible for me to end up on the wrong side."

"Rubbish!" said Ron. "You didn't know any of them when I met you, except for Hagrid, and you'd only known him for a few hours. Before our Sorting Ceremony, when you refused to take Malfoy's hand, you chose your side then and there. Nobody led you to anything."

"Well said, Ron," said Hermione. She reached across the table to hold Harry's hand. "Things are going to get better, Harry. We all just need some time." Harry nodded, forced a smile, and finished his pie before retiring.