murdoc x reader

part 21

The sun was setting on the opposite side of the ship, but the vibrant colors of the setting sky getting ready for rest spilled out across the ocean and met with the deep blue of even the furthest point you could see. The ocean was painted with various shades of purple, pink and orange, the clouds dancing yet again as the waves jumped over each other. You took in a deep breath. The air was so fresh, and as the night approached the wind got cooler, crashing into your warm face every so often. You took a few steps forward and moved out of the door way so that Murdoc could come out too. "Sure is lovely out here, eh?" He mumbled, coming up rather close behind you. You could feel his body heat,  and it caused a shiver to run down your spine. "Yeah," you spoke, your voice hushed, "it's beautiful out here." Murdoc grunted and stepped to the side of you. You looked up and over at him, that overwhelming sense of happiness filling you again. You bit your bottom lip and quickly turned your head to face in front of you. But, you couldn't help but look back over to him out of the corner of your eye. The colors from the sunset bounced off of the water and outlined his jawline and cheek bones. It was as if you were looking at a different man than the one you had studied in the car. Without that bandanna covering the lower part of his face, Murdoc looked handsome. True, you had always found him oddly attractive while watching him dance about and thrust into his bass on stage, you had never seen him so close up before. And you had never gotten to know him. You saw his mouth shift a bit, and realized you had been staring. You directed your eyes back out to the ocean and felt your face heat up yet again. Murdoc leaned back and pressed his back against the wall next to the door, and you did the same. You put one leg up and rested your foot on the wall as well, trying to get comfortable. The only sounds were that of the ocean and the pitter patter of your heart. The silence was killing you.  You took a deep breath in through your nose and turned to him, adjusting so that your shoulder was rested against the wall and your whole body was facing him. "So, Murdoc, what was your  life like?" You asked, hoping to spark a conversation. "Mine?" He questioned in reply, seemingly shocked that you were genuinely curious about his upbringing. You nodded and smiled softly, waiting patiently for his reply. 

"Well, eh..." he paused, not even a minute into his story. You could tell he was a bit anxious to speak about it, noticing that he shifted his legs around and crossed his arms, gripping his upper arms tightly. "You don't have to be nervous, Muddz. I'm not going to judge you or anything." He curled his lip and looked down and over at you, his eyes meeting with yours. You felt a fire light up in your heart. "Et's just, ah' didn't 'ave the best childhood is all. My father was an abusive prick, my brotha' couldn't 'ave given two rats asses about me, and my mother was pretty much nonexistent. My father, you see, he would enter me in contests. Humiliate me. And my brotha', Hannibal, was just a piece of shit. The only thing 'im and I had in common, was that our damned, drunken father loved to exploit and verbally abuse us. But ehh, I don't really like goin' into detail on that." He stopped, waiting for your to respond. You furrowed your brows and looked down for a moment. "I had no idea you had to deal with such a broken family. I... I'm sorry, Murdoc." You felt him firmly place a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look back up to him. His body was fully facing yours now, and rather than having a scowl, smirk or a frown, he had a smile on his face. It was odd to see him like this, especially after a crushing story. The colors of the now fading sunset resting on his cheeks and hair, causing his eyes to shine; it was like a scene from a movie. "It's foine, luv. Jus' helped shape me into what I am today." You raised your eyebrows and nodded in agreement, a bit surprised by how he was acting. You just weren't used to his upbeat, mr.brightside attitude. But you definitely weren't complaining. 

Although the conversation had ended as sudden as it had began, Murdoc kept his hand placed on your shoulder, his eyes met with yours. The sound of the waves grew louder and louder and silence crept back into the atmosphere. Murdoc gently slid his hand down your forearm until it met with your him, and then you froze. Despite the cold wind blowing the hair from your face and nipping at your cheeks, your whole body felt as if it was engulfed in flames. He pulled you in closer, your face only centimeters away from his. Your heart picked up pace, soon pounding against your chest. Your lips parted and you tried to look down, but using his other hand, Murdoc slid a finger beneath your chin and tilted your head up. The tip of his nose met with yours, and everything around you stopped. There were no sounds of waves crashing, there were no birds singing off in the distance. It was just the sound of him huffing air through his nose in a gentle chuckle as he parted his lips to speak. "Ya know what the prettiest thing out 'ere is?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. It was at this moment you realized he was just doing it again. The sly bastard was egging you on for a third time in an attempt to show his dominance. You narrowed your eyes and rolled them. "Gee, Murdoc. I don't fucking know. What is it?" You hissed. Murdoc jerked his head back and bit and curled his upper lip. "Sheesh, you don't 'ave to get pissy with me." The heat you felt throughout your body faded from that of passion to that of frustration. "Are you saying I don't have a reason to be pissed with you?" You growled, pulling away from him and taking a step back. He slouched over a bit and kept his arms extended out to you. "You've done nothing but lead me to believe there was something... something good between us since back at that coffee shop. And I just can't anymore. I can't deal with this type of pain, Murdoc. You keep doing this to me. Hell, you did this to me just a few hours ago! Give it a damn break." 

Murdoc dropped his hands down to his sides and bit his bottom lip. "(Y/n) I... I'm so-", you cut him off, taking a few more steps back away from him. "Now you're bloody sorry? Oh! How funny! What, am I supposed to forgive you and sink back into my feelings while you play with my hair just to prove the point that I'm weaker than you?" Murdocs eyes widened in shock as he took a few steps towards you. But every step he took towards you, you took one away from him. "Just let me-"

"No, Murdoc. Leave me alone. Just fucking leave me alone."

"(Y/n) I..."

"Go back in that damn room, and let me just... let me just go sleep under the stars. Let me be okay." 

He furrowed his brows and scowled, his eyes piercing through your heart. He clenched his fists and turned to the door. "Fine. Have fun freezing ya' ass off out here."

"Yeah, well have fun burning your ass off in hell." You replied, your voice cracking as you turned and dashed to the pool. He called your name out, but you ignored him. You slowed down once around the corner and walked over to the railing at the front of the ship. Your heart was racing and you felt sick to your stomach. "Fuck... what the fuck..." you mumbled, leaning over and resting your forearms up on the railing. You tapped your foot anxiously and stared out at the now pitch black, gloomy ocean. And that's when the tears came.