Civil War

Snow

Reyna's POV

"Gods what have you been doing out here? You're lucky you aren't frozen to death!" Nico yelled, marching over to me through the snow though he had a hard time.

I didn't respond. I didn't feel like it. In reality I didn't feel like doing a lot of things. I was content with the idea of sitting here until I froze over. I'd already lost feeling in every part of my body except for my heart which was somehow a cruel joke. Why couldn't that freeze over to? Then maybe I wouldn't have this nagging feeling of emptiness and loss.

"Reyna." Nico spoke again. "Hey. Come on. You okay?"

Again, I gave no answer. I simply stared ahead at all of the white. All of the nothingness I felt  expressed on the landscape before me. Nico moved so he knelt down in front of me. His face held a look of concern.

"Reyna, please talk. I want to help you with whatever you're feeling right now but you have to use your words." He seemed on the verge of pleading.

"I don't have anything to say," I whispered, my voice as light as the former snow flakes.

"Try." He encouraged but I'd never be able to voice it. Words only worked for me when they were planned, when they had nothing to do with emotions. Emotions I never had to voice when Thalia was around because she could tell with one look exactly what I was feeling and though she doubted herself knew how to fix it. Only, Thalia wasn't here right now.

Meeting his gaze I didn't bother wasting my breath on words. I gripped his arm tightly and though it wasn't as easy as if I were showing Thalia something, I managed to show him.

He let out a yelp as everything we both saw suddenly turned a deep shade of black. It was like all of the white before had now been replaced with ink that seeped into my head and pooled in front of us.

It was odd but when I glanced up and away from where I assumed the ground would be I saw Nico looking at me with an almost fearful expression.

"It's so...dark." He seemed to shrink at it.

"It's not darkness," I shook my head. "It's nothing."

His eyes widened and a new expression, that of worry clouded his eyes. "You can't do this to yourself Reyna it's bad. I would know. You can't shut everything out. It'll lead to bitterness."

"I don't know how to not do it. I've always done it. It's second nature." It was true, it was my strongest defense mechanism. I'd learned a long time ago block it all out. "Besides it's not that I just feel nothing Nico."

"What do you mean?" He asked his eyebrows furrowing and I realized how much more mature he looked.

"I am nothing."

"That's not true you are the Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano." He tried for a smile for my sake.

"That's just a name. It doesn't mean shit anymore." My tone was sharp and I regretted talking to him like he was the one upsetting me but I'd said it already, I couldn't take it back. "I'm not a praetor."

"Your power does not define you," he insisted.

"I have no home anymore."

"You don't need a home, home is where the heart is. Where you feel safe." Nico was trying to comfort me as best as he could but it was only making things worse because I knew where home was.

It wasn't a house or a physical place to stay. No my home was where my heart was, and I'd left it back in New Rome with Thalia. That was my home. She was home. "If that's the case then I still have nothing."