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When you stop being engaged ,
there’s no going back .
She can sense it’s already morning .
Might be 9’o clock .
“ I should get up . ”
But , then her body doesn’t respond , and she drops the idea immediately .
She keeps her eyes closed and
tries hard to continue
her dreams inside her mind .
Then suddenly , it’s very late .
And , her mom and dad call
out to her , standing at the
door of her room ,
“ Wake up ! It’s almost 10.30 ! ”
They continuously
keep calling her out .
And , she is all awake , but ,
she just can’t . .
Just CAN’T find the urge
to get up from her bed ,
not because her bed feels way too comfortable or because
she had fallen asleep late
yesterday night ,
but for some reason unknown ,
she finds no reason to get up .
You know it has already started ,
when you find no urge to
leave your bed .
-The mental state characterized by a constant pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity , the immeasurably deep grave sinking gloomy feeling that seems to
n e v e r go away .
It was raining hard that day
since the morning .
And she was on her bed ,
wide awake , but pretending to sleep .
Just as how the sunlight of the morning makes no difference
to a rainy day ,
nothing could give birth to
an orb of light inside her
dark murky soul and
enlighten it even for a bit .
She was all dark from the inside .
Her soul was tainted
in a shade of cobalt black .
The raindrops hit the grounds
even harder .
And , she could feel the rain drenching her skin ,
inside her head ,
making her skin cold and numb
and she shivered ,
even though she was sheltered
by the roof and the walls
of her bedroom ,
in the reality .
The rain indeed felt like the
unshed tears of her being shed
by the nature instead .
She lost the comfort of feeling .
She lost the comfort of feeling the pain .
And ,
all she could feel was the feeling that she could no longer feel anything .
It was like she had turned into a piano with white and black keys on which her loved ones kept pounding so hard to make the tune bleed out of the piano ,
but no sound could penetrate through her,
because she - the piano ,
was sunk into the end of the deep ocean where no rays of the sun above , could touch .
She knew she had gone numb ,
but she couldn’t feel - she couldn't feel even her numbness ,
all she could feel was . .
plain NOTHING .
Just nothing .
But , then , again ,
numbness is termed as feeling nothing , right ?
The bright days of her past came back rushing to her ,
like polaroid being showered from a tree house above her head -
days when she used to be a girl filled with renewed enthusiasm and fresh energy to do anything that intrigued her at that very moment .
But , now . .
nothing seemed to intrigue her anymore .
Nothing seemed to make her eyelashes flatter anymore .
She was a blind spectator of the spirit and vigour of the world around her .
She couldn’t think of any specific event that got her here ,
at this stage where there was nothing but a dead end ahead .
When she thought hard
and analyzed ,
she realized that ,
she indeed had no reasons .
Struggling to do ‘ hard work ’ , wanting to ‘ learn wanting ’ , again . .
caught up in the middle of nothing . . she forces herself to pray to God that He , might one day ,
just one day ,
open her heart ,
once again .
One day ,
her life might begin ,
maybe someday .
And , she’ll be waiting . .
till then . .
waiting .
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«« Author's note : This is a bit depressing , I know , but it IS about the depression I suffered for two years . Kiara67112 I hope you didn't mind that I used your pretty sketch . I dedicate this to you , as a token of love , for making wattpad feel like a home to me when I was totally at lost here :") . I love you . »»
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into her phenakistoscope
Poetry«« when her life was at a halt , an illusion of motion was created and in her dreamlike state , her reality and her imagination met and gave her a blurred vision , her phantasmagoria took birth where her soul saw dreams of a...
