The Monster In Us

15- i got bitten

I shouldn't be doing this. I know that this is wrong and although I know that I've done worse things than go on a date, I've never done anything that goes against the rules of the Pantera, or against my father. I've never broken the rules of our mob or done something that is frowned upon by my peers.

I know that I had this exact argument with myself the last time that I had a date scheduled with Dante but this time, it's a lot more dulled because even though I know that it's wrong and it's stupid, I also know that I'm going to do it anyway. I can't help myself. I want to spend time with him. I barely even see him at work because I stay away from the roof during lunch so that I can get work done for Pantera and all other times, I'm at my desk and he's in his office or doing whatever it is that he does in his day.

But now, we're going to the zoo and I get to spend all day with him. Even though he'll probably spend most of that time teasing me for even wanting to go to the zoo. I'm okay with that.

Right on time, Dante is in front of my apartment building to pick me up and this time, I'm wearing a casual outfit (black tank top and denim cutoffs) but I'm confident that casual is the look of the day. I'm kind of excited to see what Dante's casual looks like.

Inside of his Aston Martin, I immediately notice that he's wearing a t-shirt. No jacket or anything, just a t-shirt and jeans. That's different because I've never actually seen his bare arms before and I don't know why I'm so surprised, but he has a full tattoo sleeve on his right arm. His tan, buff arm.

"That's a lot of tattoos," I voice my awe as he drives away from the side of my building and down the road toward the zoo.

He glances over at me looking a bit amused. "Yeah."

There's a lot of green and red in the ink on his arm, the colors of the Italian flag, and I can see a few words within the design but they aren't English so I can only assume that it's all written in Italian. It's all very intricate and beautifully done but I absolutely hate it as much as I fucking love it.

He has so many tattoos of symbols that I've been raised to hate. The Italian flag, the Berardi family crest, some phrases in Italian that I don't understand. My instinct is to hate everything that he stands for, to be disgusted by the images drawn into his skin, but on him, they are so beautiful. I wonder if he saw the ink on my skin, the Russian and the panther on my back, if he would think the same thing. If he would find the beauty in it or just be completely disgusted by it as he was raised to do.

The thought of that terrifies me.

"You're staring," Dante points out when he realizes that my eyes haven't left his arm the entire time that I've been in the car with him. "Are tattoos like a major turn off for you or something?"

"No," I assure him, looking away and out the window so that I don't creep him out any more than I already have. "I have tattoos too."

"Really?" He seems surprised. "Where?"

I turn back to look at him but I look at his face with a coy little smile because I can't pass up this opportunity be so overtly flirtatious. "You'll find them eventually."

I don't know when or if I'll ever sleep with Dante but I like the idea of him thinking about having sex with me. I want him like that but even more important, I want him to want me like that. For now, I'll completely disregard the idea that if I did have sex with Dante, it would be the first time that I've ever had sex with somebody purely because I wanted to and not because it was part of a mission of mine. Because that thought scares the hell out of me, that I am even considering giving him that part of me.

My comment makes Dante smirk a little bit but he doesn't respond, which surprises me.

"Have you ever been to Italy?" I ask him to get a conversation going.