Part 88

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---Sylvia---
The object was heavy in my hand, despite being so small in size. I heard the engine of the tour bus begin to start and with it the voices of some of the guys loading into the bus. Was I really going to do this?

I'd stopped taking birth control after returning from the hospital because I didn't know how it would mix with the pain pills and after that I just fell out of the habit. Since then, Ricky and I'd had unprotected sex more than once.

I stepped out of the bathroom. Ricky was laughing at something someone said and dropped down onto the couch. I walked out and lingered in the kitchen area, fighting to keep my composure.

"Ricky," I said and he looked at me, all lighthearted and sweet. Guilt. I hid the object behind my back but by then his eyes had already found it.

"What's that?" he asked. Too late. I couldn't wuss out of this.

"Ahh. Uhm. I have something to tell you." I brought it out in front of me and turned it around between my fingers. He saw the pregnancy test and went pale, all traces of humor left his expression. He froze. Looked at me. The test. Then me again.

"I, uhm." at this point Chris and TJ had noticed this exchange and were speechless, all eyes on me. I walked over, sitting down beside my boyfriend on the couch. I took his hand in mine, for the sake of dramatics. "I'm..." my grin broke through, "Not pregnant."

I handed over the test, reading negative and watched Ricky pass through a whole display of different emotions. Relief, he sighed and let his head hang for a moment. Then attacked me with something that might've been a hug or a murder attempt. I heard some snickers from the guys as I was pinned to the couch in something similar to a headlock.

"I'm going to kill you." he hissed into my ear as I tried to wriggle free. I laughed as the door opened, Balz and Ange stepping in. Ricky released me and looked at the test again, sighing.

"Are you alright?" I joked and he shook his head.

"I watched my whole life flash before my eyes."

"I just wanted to scare you."

"You succeeded." he handed it back and I got up to throw it away.

"I was thinking we could go to a pizza parlor tonight." Balz said, "Someone told me they have really good pizza."

"'Someone'? Just some random person?" Chris questioned.

"No, a fan. And I trust our fans so we should go."

"Alright," Chris said. Ricky and I made faces at each other.

***

I hung back with Ricky as the guys entered the parlor. He lit a cigarette while I took in our surroundings. The cold had come with the night and I shivered lightly.

"So, no kids?" I asked, just to make conversation. He exhaled, his breath combining with the smoke and coming out extra foggy.

"I figured we were still too early in the relationship to be talking about kids."

"It's just talking. I'm not about to jump on you about having them. I'm just curious."

"Alright. Well, for the sake of just talking.. Uhm, no. I don't want kids. Do you?" he took another drag of his cigarette and waited for my answer.

"..No. I don't want kids, not for a long long time, anyway." I said and he exhaled more smoke, nodding.

"Yeah. And I just.. I'm away like eight months of the year. I'd be a shitty dad."

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