chapter fucking 20

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Rickys pov

I love her. I love lily with all of my heart. What she thought was cheating was a girl I called pretty a few times to cheer up. When I told her about it she left me.

I thought it was the right thing to do and all I wanted was to take it back. I called a girl pretty. I called a fucking girl pretty.

That's all I did wrong. But I didn't explain it that way so this is all my fault.

The lily lost the baby. Our baby. Our baby girl and all I wanted to do was hug her and kiss her and tell her how much pain I was in. I love her  I want to marry her 

I was sitting on the couch when lily and Jace from that band womb walked in.

I left when I saw them and went into my room. I came down to get a water and I saw them kissing

My chest hurt and my eyes started to water. In my head she was and will always be my lily. I love her. I love her. She should be kissing me goodnight and giggling with me.

When Jace walked out I stared at her in shock and in horror. My chest felt like it was being stabbed and my lungs felt like they were going to collapse

She looked at me.  I think she could see the pain in my eyes because for a second it was almost like she had sympathy for me.

"What ricky " she spat.

"I. Nothing. " I said bringing my knees to my chest. Ville came up and sat next to me.  I could hear rave and Ryan giggling in raves room.

I wanted to make lily giggle like that again. Her laugh could light up the earth. The entire universe. Her laugh was brighter than the sun and she was a fucking super nova.

"No. Ricky I know you. You were going to say something. " she said crossing her arms.

I walked down the stairs and up to her.

"You should be kissing me goodnight Lilith. Not him. Not any other guy ever again. Me " I said about to cry.

She closed her eyes and looked down and shook her head.

"No. We're not having this conversation ricky " she said choking back tears

"Well then I am.  Listen Lilith. The way I explained things wasn't how I meant to.  I called her pretty a fee times and told her she means alot to me.  But not because I fell out of love with you and not because I wanted her. It's always been you. It always will be you. Why don't you see that? " I said wiping my tears away.

She walked away from me but before I didn't I grabbed her hand. She jerked her arm away from me and walked into the kitchen and sat on the counter top.

"No lily don't fucking walk away from me. Not again. I love you. " I said walking after her

"Ricky you cheated " she said looking down

"Do you want to read the texts. I have them. I can show you very easily. That it wasn't me cheating but me being a good friend " I said crying and pulling out my phone.

She scrolled through my conversation.

"Then why did it seem like you cheated. Why did you even tell me about it. " she said

"Because I felt guilty for calling another girl pretty that wasn't you Lilith black " I whisper yelled.

"I don't care ricky. I don't care that you did it. I don't even care that we aren't together anymore" she spat and hopped off the counter

"So you don't care about me then?" I cried.

"Excuse me?" She said turning around

"You don't care about me anymore" I managed to get out.

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