Even if I stagger [Kongpob/Arthit]

The Moon is Mine (Said the Sun)

"She told you."

It wasn't a question, Kongpob could sense the answer from his pale, withdrawn face. He circled the rim of the coffee cup with his index finger. Arthit and Kongpob were seated on the sofa. Arthit nervously drummed his fingers against the table. He couldn't decide what he wanted to say, his head was racing with thoughts. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I have told you, that your mother wanted me - she asked me to vanish from your life?"

"You were about to tell me that night outside my house, what changed?"

Kongpob placed his large, warm hand on Arthit's. 

"P'Arthit, three years ago, your mother asked to meet me. At first, I was so happy, I thought you had told her about us. But, it became apparent very soon that she didn't approve of my being with you. She made me promise to break up with you -"

"And you agreed?"

The pained look on Arthit's face made Kongpob's hand twinge against his. 

"I didn't want you to be hurt by your mother's decision for us, I wanted to spare you from choosing between your mother and me -"

"You had no right! It wasn't your choice to make -"

Arthit wrenched his hand from where it was trapped under Kongpob's. His eyes blazed with concealed fury. Kongpob tried to grasp at his hands, after a brief struggle, Arthit allowed him to gently stroke his hands. 

"P'Arthit, I was so young, I thought I was making the best decision for both of us. I never wanted you to hurt, not even for a single moment. I was wrong, so wrong."

Kongpob sipped his coffee, Arthit waited for him to continue. 

"You know, P'Arthit, I was so heartbroken. I thought the only way I could survive was to be away from you. I took the offer to go to Imperial. For two whole years, I was miserable, you were in my thoughts every single day. When I met you again, it was like being given a second chance. My feelings hadn't gone away, not even a little bit. I wanted to win you back, I was desperate to get my happiness back, to be selfish once in my life."

"Kong -"

Kongpob didn't seem to notice his interruption.

"P'Arthit, honestly, I didn't know what I was doing. I knew you would never take me back, atleast not without knowing why I broke up with you in the first place. But, I was happy to be back in your life again, in some capacity. I could never tell you what your mother had made me promise, it would break you."

Kongpob ran his hand through his hair, an old habit of his. He gave Arthit a sad smile. 

"I knew I was on borrowed time. You would corner me soon. And when you did, I felt terrible because for a moment, I considered it, considered telling you the truth. When you returned my gear, I couldn't bear it - I asked P'Knott for your address. Can you believe he drove me to your house, told me that this was my last chance, if I blew it with you, he would never allow me to see you again."

Arthit released a shaky laugh, that did sound like his Knott. 

"Even when I saw you that night, I hadn't made up my mind on whether I would actually go through with it."

"Would you have ever told me?"

"I - I am not sure. I thought I was going to -"

Arthit released a frustrated sigh, he pummelled his fists against Kongpob's chest.