Even if I stagger [Kongpob/Arthit]

Silent Sun

"Ai'Arthit, will you finally say something?"

Knott was driving Arthit to his apartment. After impulsively kissing Kongpob the night before, Arthit had woken up to a urgent sense of panic and regret. He had taken up Knott's offer, slinking off in the wee hours of the morning. He had left a note for Bright. 

"- I left my work to get you, the least you can do, is tell me what is wrong with you."

Arthit looked at his friend, he looked genuinely concerned by his silence. He was so grateful for him. He took a deep breath and delved into the ongoings of the past two days. Knott stopped the car. 

"Let's get some breakfast first."

Over a bowl of hot porridge, Knott gave Arthit a serious look. 

"Ai'Arthit, why were you so reckless?"

Arthit gulped his porridge, keeping Knott waiting. 

"Arthit -"

"I don't know! I just -it's Kongpob - he always affects me - you don't understand - he is always there, taking care of me. He hasn't changed at all, the way he looks at me -" 

Knott waited for him to continue but Arthit had his head in his hands. Knott forced his hands away. He spoke to him gently, as one would speak to a scared child.

"Ai'Arthit, I didn't mean to scold you. But, you still don't know why he broke up with you in the first place. I was there, you were so heartbroken. I don't want you to suffer like that again."

"I know it, Knott. I'm not closer to finding out why he had broken up with me. I just have those cryptic words -"

"Just ask him, Ai'Arthit. Trust me."

Arthit realized that he was afraid of the answer.

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Arthit had taken a day off from work. It was only the second time in two years he had taken off. Prem had called him sounding concerned. He also had a dozen or so missed calls and texts from Kongpob. The last of which read: please talk to me, tell me what I've done wrong.  

Arthit wondered how someone as smart as Kongpob had to ask him what was wrong. He sighed and kneaded the swollen skin around his ankle. It was taking a long time to heal. Tuta was going to come by in the evening to help him around. 

He limped towards his writing desk. He fumbled around in the drawer, even after all these years, he had kept it. Kongpob's gear. His fingers traced the ridges of the gear. He felt a lump in his throat.

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Tuta was regaling Arthit with stories of his unsuccessful dates. 

"-he wanted me to help him make his ex jealous, can you believe the jerk -"

Arthit nodded sympathetically. Tuta broke off when he realized Arthit was deep in thought. 

"How are you holding up, Arthit? Ai'Knott told me -"

Arthit really wished Knott would stop sending their friends to check up on him. He really didn't want to discuss it again.

"Ai'Tuta, I appreciate the concern but -"

"You know I'm surprised you didn't come to me first, considering I'm the one with the most relevant experience."

Tuta had been dating his own gender since high school. Arthit realized how insensitive he was being and clamped his mouth shut. 

"Look Arthit, let me be frank with you. I've met them all, the cheaters, the jealous ones, the ones who refuse to come out. But what you and Kong had was different, it was so pure. No one could deny that, you both loved each other very much."

"Ai'Tuta, he broke up with me -"

"Yes, he broke up with you. But we don't know why, and you won't know if you don't ask him -"

"I did ask him -"

"Ask him again, Arthit. Where's your spirit? You need closure - "

Tuta had a sudden realization, he had struck upon the reason Arthit was reluctant to rehash his old wound. He was afraid. Tuta made his voice gentle, he put his hand on Arthit's knee. 

"Even if the reason is terrible, you have to know. You will regret not knowing for the rest of your life. If it all goes to hell, we'll be here for you. But, Arthit, I've seen the way he looks at you, like you've hung up the moon in the sky. He adores you."

Arthit jerkily nodded his head. Tuta squeezed his knee. 

"Go and get your 0062."

Arthit wondered why he had such cheesy friends.

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Using a crutch was difficult, Arthit was out of breath by the time he reached his office. 

"Boss, I'll open the door for you."

"Thanks, Dee."

In a single day, the paperwork had piled up on his desk. He grumbled as he flipped through the stacks of paper on his desk. His eyes kept on drifting to his phone. He hadn't got a single text from Kongpob since the last one, tell me what I've done wrong.

Although, he had agreed with Tuta, something was stopping him from acting on it. A loud knock interrupted his thoughts. Speak of the devil.

"Khun Arthit, I have some documents I have to show you."

Arthit was surprised with the formal tone Kongpob adopted. Nevertheless, he shifted his focus to the file Kongpob had placed on his desk. After a quarter of an hour of corrections and scratching, Kongpob was about to leave. 

"Kongpob?"

"Yes?"

"No, nothing."

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Arthit wondered at his own stupidity sometimes. He was the last person to leave, he had to do the safety check up before leaving. His ankle was protesting. 

He was limping towards the second floor, when he heard footsteps behind him. A chill ran up his spine. 

"P'Arthit, it's just me."

Arthit had never been so grateful to see Kongpob. 

"Sit down here, I will do the safety check up."

Arthit was antsy, he bounced his uninjured leg. Kongpob was back. 

"P'Arthit, I did what you asked."

"Hmm?"

"I have kept our work life separate."

"It's not necessary for you to address me formally."

"P'Arthit, will you tell me then? What have I done? Why did you leave before talking to -"

"Kongpob."

Kongpob was waiting for him to continue. This was it. This was the moment. 

"Kongpob, why did you break up with me three years ago?"

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A/N : This was probably the hardest chapter to write! I know a couple of you thought that it was too early for Arthit to forgive Kongpob. But he never forgave him, when he kissed him. He was just overwhelmed by his feelings and Kongpob being so close to him. 

Looking forward to your thoughts on the chapter :)