The Ruby in the Storm

Chapter 20: Know Thy Lover

Chapter 20: Know Thy Lover

Lydia watched blankly as Emily Doyle sifted through the garments that were laid out for her. The world seemed to be preparing for the Christmas season even though it was only early November. The Doyle's infamous winter ball was just around the corner, as a welcoming to the seasons, and the preparations for it were stressfully underway.

"The best of the best of Derbyshire will be there," Emily said. "Eligible bachelors from all the great families, Lydia! We can both find husbands."

Lydia smiled. "Perhaps we will."

"Rather sad that Lucy could not attend," Emily noted. "What business was so urgent that she had to leave so suddenly?"

"Our mother is ill," Lydia replied. "Lucy has not seen her in a long time, so she felt duty bound to be by her side."

"And yourself?"

"My uncle prefers that I stay here," Lydia replied. "Keep watch on the house, find a good husband, make myself useful."

That was the story that Lucy and Lydia were told to tell Emily, that they were the caretakers of Robert's interests in the estate until he could find a proper tenant, that Lydia secure a proper marriage, and stay out of everyone's way. Emily wasn't one for asking too many questions, seeing as they weren't close as it was, so she took the story as it was and even went out of her way to help find Lydia a good match. If only she knew...

God, if only she knew.

"Excuse me, Emily, I think I need some air," Lydia said, standing. "It's a tad stuffy in here."

"Oh, I can have the windows opened," Emily said, signaling for a maid.

"No, no do not trouble yourself," Lydia smiled. "I only meant that I require some fresh air to clear my head, and then I shall return and we'll pick out the finest dresses for the winter ball together."

Emily smiled back. "Would you like me to come with you?"

"Oh, no, I am merely going to take a turn of the gardens," Lydia wrapped her shawl around her shoulders. "Lucy told me that it's important to go for a daily walk alone, get away from everything for a while. Our father used to do it all the time, it kept his senses sharp is what he would tell us."

"Your father sounds like a wise man."

Lydia paused before walking out of the door. "He was."

With that, she swept out and ran a hand over her face. Why did she speak of her father when she knew how much the subject troubled her? It's as if she was trying to cause herself pain, or make it feel as real as it was. It was easier to write off her father and her mother's adulteries as myth, to think that their unhappy marriage was a figment of her imagination.

How did Lucy do it? Lydia thought as she stepped outside. How did she stomach all of this? How could she?

She raged, Lydia knew that. She wept, she ran, she hurt, and she did it all alone. Lydia had to pay the price for that, pay the price for allowing her own sister to suffer the consequences of their parents' mistakes alone. Had she only gone to Lanfore with Lucy and not let Beatrice go in her stead, what would have happened? Would James be dead? Would Lucy have Ross? Would the events have played out the way they had?

Would she ever have met Fredrick?

Lydia wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders and kept her pace steady. She couldn't get lost in her thoughts, not now. Lucy needed her and she was here, that was all that mattered. But a part of her hated that she had to watch her sister go off once again to face her demons alone. That was what Lucy wanted, but Lydia felt she should have insisted to go with her as well. Was she doing her sister any good staying behind?