Arms (Dan Howell x reader)

30

Your POV

"What are you going to do?"

I sigh and begin to nervously tap the arm of the love seat.

"I don't know exactly. There's one thing I'm positive about."

"And what's that?" Tess's voice grows even more concerned with every question.

"I-I need to protect Dan. And there's only one way to do that."

"Y/N you don't mean- do you?" I nod, a hot tear escaping and sliding down my cheek. "But you love Dan."

"That's why I have to. And I can't tell him what's happening, either. He'll try to keep me here. He'll try to protect me and get himself hurt, or, if he is as bad as Paul said he is, he could get himself killed. Dan will be much safer without me."

"Then how are you going to do it? He practically lives here, how are you going to just pack up and leave without telling him why? And how the fuck are you going to break up with him?"

"I don't know, Tess! Can you just let me figure this out?" I shout, leaving Tess frozen in shock. I sigh and stand up. "I'm going for a walk," I mumble.

I pick up my keys, grab a hoodie from my bedroom, which just happens to be one of Dan's, and slide on a pair of F/C converse.

Without looking back at Tess, I walk down the stairs and out my flat door, into the hallway, where I let my tears fall.

~Time skip~

I sit on mine and Dan's special hill, sobbing into my hands.

"What do I do?" I say aloud to nobody but myself.

'Have fun with your friends.' Paul's (the man from the cafe and Joe's party) words play over and over in my head.

The only problem is the more time I spend with my friends and Dan the harder it will be for me to leave.

I lie back onto the wet grass, soaking Dan's hoodie.

I need a plan and fast. Firstly I need to find a place to go. Then I need to pack all my stuff without Dan, or Phil, finding out. And lastly, I need to do the hardest thing of all.

Break up with Dan and leave.

I could tell him that I'm just not ready for a relationship, but then he'd want to be friends, which isn't safe either.

I could try find ways to make him break up with me, but he's like a stubborn child, there's no way that's happening.

My last thought sends chills down my spine, because I know it will be the only way to protect him.

I need to make him hate me, which seems to be the most impossible task in the whole universe.

I could- no, I can't hurt him like that. But I can't let him hurt him, either. What do I do?

I tug at my hair, trying to think of a better way to do this, but I can't. I just have to do it.

I'm going to have to 'cheat' on him...

~Time skip~

"Hello~!" The front door slams shut and the sound of footsteps echo through the house. "There she is- are you okay?" I snap out of my daze and look over at the living room door to see my giant dork poking his head around the frame.

"Oh, yeah. Just in my own little land. C'mere, I'm lazy and I missed you, and I need a hug," I chuckle. In a second, Dan is by my side on the couch, pulling me into a hug. I snuggle up against his chest and smile.

"I missed you, too. Dublin was so boring without you. Everything is boring without you."

I shrug. "Well with you away, I finally got to go out and socialise with people who aren't called Phil Lester, Dan Howell, Tess Smith and Y/N L/N. Well... I did talk to Tess, and maybe myself, but only a little bit."

"Who said you could socialise with other humans? And how many other traits have a picked up from me?"

I giggle. "Oh, just a few... did you know that chokers are my new favourite-"

"Okay, change of subject!" Dan shouts.

"I'm kidding, you spork. Although Tess is tired of my kink jokes, you might want to apologize to her."

"Oops," Dan laughs. "I'll make sure to do that when she's stopped attacking Phil with kisses."

"Back on subject, I did go to Joe's house for a party, hence all the socialness, are you proud?"

"Unless you ate all the food, no, what's happening to my girlfriend?"

"I did eat majority of the food... but then of course I decided to get pissed and empty it all up in Joe's toilet."

Dan sighs. "You should be taking things easy, Y/N."

"I know-"

"What happened? You only ever drink like that when you're worried or stressed. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course it is. I don't know what was wrong with me, I just let myself loose, I guess. Don't worry, I didn't need a stomach pump, and I wasn't even close to being as hammered as Joe."

"I just worry about you-"

"Well, you need to stop worrying about me so much!" I snap.

The look of hurt and shock on his face mirrors how I feel on the inside.

Hurt and shocked.

I don't believe what I just said. I don't think Dan does either.

The tension builds the longer the either of us stay silent to the point I just can't take it anymore.

"Sorry... I-I think I should go to bed." I stand, but before I can leave, a large hand wraps around my wrist.

"Y/N...-"

"Go home, Dan. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

His grip loosens, but his long fingers still remain around my wrist.

"You are my home."

"I said go," I reply coldly as I tug my wrist free and walk towards my bedroom.

I feel Dan's eyes on me as I walk away, glistening with tears no doubt. Just like mine.

I crawl under my covers and wait for the slam of my front door. And when that sound comes, I burst into tears.