I Am Human (bxb)

As I Crumble

I walked down the streets, past the school, past my apartment, far enough away that by the time I looked up and out from my thoughts, it was dark and I didn't know where I was. I looked around at the surrounding buildings, they were all old and worn down, a few grocery shops and family restaurants open with neon signs. I walked over into an Italian Pizzaria and  asked where I was.

"Down the street for 'bout an hour, then you get to the street." The plump old lady at the front said. "You need a taxi?" She offered me, "It's gettin' dark out there." I nodded and she called a cab for me. As I waited I sat at a table facing the window. I stared into my reflection and saw my smeared make up, I guess I had been crying, but I hand't noticed. I gazed into the window looking at my sullen face. Was this what Kai saw? What did I look like when he walked away? Did he feel bad? Did he really want to be apart? When would this end? 

The nice lady came over to me and tapped on my shoulder gently.

"Here, for the ride, on da house." I looked at a small bag that held several baked goods, she handed it to me and I gave her a small smile.

"Thank you. I needed this." I said, she nodded and motioned through the window.

"Cab is here now, have a good night."

"You too." I said as I walked out the door with my bag of sweets.

The ride home was short and when I got home I practically collapsed from exhaustion. Aunt Tracy was worried (Of course) but I swatted her away and slumped into my dark room, holing up under the warmth of my blankets. I always loved the weight of blankets, how they felt like a hug, it reminded me of sleeping with Kai's arms around me. A small tear shed down my cheek as I wished for sleep to take me away from the pain of not having him anymore.

I woke up to Aunt Tracy knocking on my bedroom door.

"Jasper?" She spoke questioning if I had woken yet. I stayed quiet, hoping for a few more seconds away from the world. "You awake?" She said louder. I rolled my eyes and replied.

"Mugh." I huffed out under the sheets. I could almost hear her tender smile through her voice.

"Alright Hun, it's Monday, you've got to wake up, okay?"

"Ugh. Nope." I groaned not wanting to go to school. I had skipped the last few days before the weekend, after the break up, due to not being able to even get out of bed without breaking down, so now I was at a loss. What if I see him? What would I say? Would I even say anything? Should I try to talk to him again?

"You have to get up, Jasper." She said as she turned the lights on. I groaned again but got out of bed and dragged myself into the shower to think. As I thought more and more I realized that I was fed up with the silent treatment Kai was giving me. I needed an explanation, why was he doing this? Was it really because he couldn't get better when I was around or was it because he was nervous to go farther in our relationship? Maybe he was embarrassed because he couldn't be physical with me, or felt guilty? It was a bullshit thought for him to have if that were it, I didn't care about physical relationship, I just wanted to be able to be his friend again. I just missed having him to talk to and having him talk with me. It was finally a perfect friendship, one where we both just loved spending time with the other, and couldn't get enough. This was hell he was putting me through, and I knew that it would have to me who solves it. 

I got out of the shower and got ready for school. I put on the red sweater that was miles too big on me... It was Kai's and I knew that he always blushed whenever I wore it. I needed to get his attention so I put on eyeliner as well. I even went to such an extreme as to put my hair up in a ponytail today. I'd never worn it like that before, he'd definitely notice me... I hoped.