I Am Human (bxb)

The Unfortunate Death Of Jasper Sparks

"What!?" I choked out with disbelief.

"Jasper... I just can't do this anymore." What was he saying? Were words getting messed up in my head? Did he actually say what I think he just said? Was my life ending right here, right now?

"Do what?" I whispered, my voice cracking with intense emotion. My tiny form had started to shake again and I wanted to throw up even though there wasn't anything in my stomach anymore. "I... I thought you... I thought..." I couldn't even think about what I was saying, I wanted to say that I thought he loved me, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth properly.

"I know." He sighed, moving his hands up to his soft brown curls and his face scrunched with frustration. He took a step towards me and let his hands fall down from his head and rest on my shoulders. He looked me in the eyes, those beautiful, light brown spheres were cold now, and I barely recognized them. "I thought I could handle being with you, It made me feel alive again, so thank you. But I can't tease myself every time you're around. It's like you're heroin and I'm a recovering addict, I can't get better, I can't heal, when you are constantly at my side, even though I want you so bad." He took a deep breath and took a step closer to me. His face was so close to mine I could feel his body heat. A single tear slipped out the corner of my eye as I took in what he had said and my breath hitched inside my chest.

"Don't. Please." I whispered, pleading for him to not leave me. I didn't want to go back to having no one. I didn't want to go back to being in the dark, by myself with no body to comfort me; I hated being trapped in ice. 

His breath shook as he leaned in and kissed me on my shivering lips. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to hold this moment in time. I knew this was a goodbye kiss, It felt like an end. His lips were so hard and firmly holding mine, but as they broke from mine, I felt like all my support had been ripped away and I was left naked and cold.

"I'm sorry Jasper." He whispered as he stepped back from me, his hands being torn off of my shoulders and he turned his back on me as he walked out of the washroom.

I was left there numb and alone, struck with shock. I wanted to feel something, I wanted to have some sort of emotion other than this emptiness. Hatred, sadness, anything, I just wanted to feel. But instead I just slid down the side of the wall and curled into a ball on the floor. I was nothing. I was nothing without Kai.

The funny thing is, you never know how much someone means to you until they are taken away, no, until they walk away. Kai was my rock, my shelter, my lifeline. I didn't know it until now, but before I met him I was going through everyday like a zombie, with no purpose except that the day would end and start again. But with Kai, I wanted to get up, I wanted to live so I could see him and talk to him and just knowing that I had a friend, someone in my life that cared about me made the world a different place. 

But now that's gone, so I'm still here, sitting on the floor of the boy's washroom by myself. Tears wanting to fall, but not having the energy to. I must have stayed there for a while because soon I heard the bell ring and a flood of boys came rushing in. the first couple didn't notice me, but after a few more came in, people started staring until someone said, "Should we call Kai?" At that a certain switch in me flipped and anger started to boil in my bones. I gathered all my strength and stood up quickly, which grabbed everyone's attention, and without looking at anyone I walked out of the room. I skirted through the halls until I got to the doors and was met with a swoosh of fresh air as I left the building. My shoes seemed to slap against the warm pavement as I walked down the streets in the mid-afternoon sun. School wouldn't be out for another few hours so I had a lot of time to waste trying not to think about what had happened. I didn't want to think anymore, I just wanted to curl up somewhere and be consumed by nothing. The only person who ever wanted to be with me, who genuinely liked me a whole lot, had just broken up with me. I never knew this kind of loneliness, and I which I never had to. 

I ended up just walking home, I didn't care that Aunt Tracy would know I skipped, I'm sure she'd understand that I just needed to be alone. I walked into the apartment and straight into the bathroom. I needed to wash the remains of my puking session off of me. I smelt like a sewer and I felt like one too. Once I stepped into the warm water, the heat soothed me and my shaking form relaxed into it, helping my mind go blank. I felt like I was being washed away, being swept  out to sea where I would slowly sink into the ocean, and life wouldn't have to catch up with me anymore. I was so tired, I just wanted to float away.