Snippets of Color

the things i feel,

"What are you feeling right now?"

says the voice outside of my head, the one with the warm brown eyes that has seen so much, but nothing at all. I want to tell him, I want to make a crack in my skull to release all of the colors, the words, the noises that bump around. I want to tell him that I can hear the songs of the stars, I want to tell him that I can see the thoughts of the people, I want to tell him that my mind is constantly plagued with the feeling of wanting to capture it all, like a photograph that takes pictures of the entire moment, all of the sounds, all of the touches, all of the colors and views in one. I want to say that sometimes it gets to be so much that I can't feel anything at all except for the buzzing noise of the commotion swirling inside of me. I want to explain that all of this gets scary sometimes, my mind screams and yells at me to do things that my body isn't able to do, and that sometimes it howls in agony because it just wants to be free. I want to tell him that it gets so lonely in here sometimes, because I can feel all of the potential that resides inside of me, it feels like I'm tied to the ground, looking at nothing but repeating normalcy that I wish to destroy so badly. I feel like I have the strength of a thousand complex universes inside of my bones, but how can I release them when I'm only a single human being in a lonely universe? All of that power can just simply not be contained in this ordinary box I live in. I want to explain the things I feel, how I view the world and the people in it. I want my mind to burst and everything inside of it to be set free, to create real beauty, its own beauty, its own world. I want to be able to change the things I'm afraid of, because life is not about fear or regrets, but the experience you make it to be. I want to write down every word that ever goes though my head and turn it into something beautiful, something original, something no one has ever seen before, ever felt before. I want to be the one who changes everything. I want so much I want so much so want so much and I can feel the seams beginning to rip apart and I'm begging for it to break but I know it won't. My prison will never shatter, never open, not as long as it continues to beat and breath and move. Not as long as my body continues on. I want to reveal everything that goes on inside of me but the words in my head cannot even begin to shed light on this at all. The words that bounce around that hold so much beauty cannot be collected. So as I look into the warm brown eyes with my own, I just blink and say with no hint of anything at all in my voice

"I can't really explain it."