Snippets of Color

June 29, 2016

I'm in love with this quiet town
in a quiet part of the country
where the lights glow soft
the people smile as I walk by
every street is dainty and clean
and a sense of belonging hangs in the air I breathe.
The nighttime brings so much peace
it's all so quiet and friendly
you can be your true self
and nobody judges you.
I wish everywhere could be more like this
where you don't have to be scared or ashamed of who you are or what you believe in
because everyone is so accepting and understands that all humans are different
all humans feel different things and live different ways
I hate the fact that my hometown isn't like this
everyone there is so harsh
They spit acid and fire from their mouths
and make you feel like your worth is nothing
They don't understand that people are complex
they don't understand that not everything gets to be what you demand
I hate that it's like that
I hate living in such a horrible place
I hate that I can't even speak for what I think is right because I'm scared
I'm scared of never escaping
I'm scared of never changing anything
But being here and seeing all of this,
all of this love and forgiveness and acceptance
It just makes me sad how much I've been missing
It makes me sad that seeing all of this brings tears to my eyes
and it shouldn't be that way
seeing all of this love and happiness shouldn't be so unusual
because I should be used to this
I should know what acceptance and love feels like
that's how the world should be anyway
All I want is for the ones back home
the ones who hate and hate and hate
to see that we can be peaceful
we can be happy
we can be like this
we just have to learn how to love and accept others
even though they're different.

I've been lied to my whole life
people around me have said that love is in the place I live
There is love here, there is love here, there is L O V E H E R E
They practically shoved it down our unsuspecting throats
until we believe it
there is love here
there is love here
there is love here
and I believed it
I believed all the lies they told me
we live in a good place
we live in a happy place
there is love here
but it was all lies
My youth covered the hatred and pain that was really in the place of love
I realized this as I got older
I saw the reality that was around me
there is no love here
only foulness and hatred
and I wanted to get out
but I couldn't.

I hear stories about places like this
the good places, the places where there really is love
not just deception used to hide the ugly
It hurts my heart and soul
that people would say things like they do
that people would lie about safety
lie about love and lie about acceptance
It hurts even more I'm surrounded by the people who lie
and I can't escape them
I can't get away from all of this hatred that's seeping into my skin
I can only wait
and find refuge in the belief that good places exist.

I wish things were different
I wish the whole world was like this quiet town in a quiet part of the country
where there are no lies and no false hope
where they say love is here
and it's true because I can feel it
I can feel the love
and I'm thinking
this is how it's supposed to be
I wish my hometown wasn't the way it is
where the word acceptance is only reserved for those who think and act the same
One day I hope we can all feel the love
the real love
not the lies I've been told my whole life
because right now I wish I could stay here forever.

(I've never seen it in person before.
Just that is enough to prove that something is wrong with this world)