Ephemeral

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More of you is what I need
The way you dispossess me of my heed
You're so carefree
Yet so deadly
Please God, save me from my greed

For 93 days
I managed to wean you off
I quit cold turkey
I was cold, alone and stinky
Lost my job, lost my house, lost my one and only baby girl
I look up at the sky, it's as blue as the ocean
Maybe just maybe, I can turn myself around

Day 94
The pain starts kicking in full force
I'm in desperate need of a fix
A fix that isn't ephemeral
Pound it, Heat it, Snot it, Shoot it
5-4-3-2-1
My life is ruined
The rush, the high, the ultimate hit

All the pain, every worry I had; gone.
The cold subsides
Warmth; my injectable insulator provides
Pound it, Heat it, Snot it, Shoot it up once more
Before the binge goes fritz fifteen days later
Last longer damn it
Why won't you last longer?!

Then came the crash
Lifeless and asleep I was
Not knowing if I will wake up alive or absolete
My systems reboot
Starved, dehydrated and utterly exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally
Back to the start
Back to where I was 93 days ago
On the streets, begging for money on the pavement floor

PHASES [Poems By Shaun Alvar]Where stories live. Discover now