Love Lessons

Chapter Twenty Five: Stubborn Love

25 | Cole

~*~Stubborn Love~*~

                ”I loved it.”

                Jess had long fallen asleep, her head on my chest and her legs intertwined with mine. We had gotten ice cream after seeing her father and I ended the night, knowing that she was probably exhausted with today’s events. I was happy that she fell asleep before I did; she was able to miss the debate I was having in my head about her.

                “I loved it.”

                Repeatedly her words played in my head. They shouldn’t have, because it didn’t mean anything, but the only word that kept jumping out at me was the one that I was scared to face the most. I closed my eyes and sighed, this was not going to be easy, I knew that, but I didn’t expect the effect the word love would have on me. There was no reason for me to panic; she probably didn’t mean it in that way, right? The look she gave me when she saw her father was priceless. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and that one look had me happy. Bringing her father to her was something I needed to do, because I knew it was a big deal to her that he wasn’t going to be here for Thanksgiving, and why wouldn’t she be upset about that? Jess deserved nothing but the best and I was not going to sit around and not do something big for her birthday.

                When I met her father, I was worried. What if he didn’t like me, what if he thought it was too soon to meet him? Surprisingly, he was nothing like my father and was on board with the idea right away. I had this pull to meet him and to talk to him. For some reason, I wanted him to approve of me. It sounds ridiculous if our relationship just started, but I couldn’t help it. I was never in a serious relationship before and there’s this nagging feeling inside of me telling that Jess isn’t just another girl. Sure, I knew that just by how different she was, but every day there was something telling me that I couldn’t push her away.

                If she were any other girl, the moment the forbidden word was mentioned I would have been out of the joint like a hot potato. Sure, we were driving so it wasn’t as if I could just leave, but there was something that told me I needed to face it. I didn’t want to hurt Jess and I didn’t want to end up like any of the short relationships I had.

                How did I feel about her? I knew I really liked her, that much was obvious from the way my heart stops when she looks at me and how I feel nervous around her for some reason. Her skin against mine leaves tingles and warm sensations, something I’ve never felt before. I knew that if I ran away, I wasn’t going to get this again, this was my one shot to not screw things up and I was going to face it. It was going to be a pain in the ass, but I was going to face it.

                I’ve ran away from everything my whole life. I’m not happy about it, but it’s true. A disagreement with my parents, I would leave the house and go drink with my friends. If I didn’t like where a relationship was going, I would end it right away. It was to the point where I didn’t want to be in a relationship because I was too scared. The sad thing is; I’m a romantic. Just thinking about that makes me feel as if I’m losing any dignity I have left but I couldn’t help it. Jess babbled on all the time about how she wanted someone romantic and the funny thing was; I wanted to be romantic without being scared. My friends were always in great relationships and I would joke around saying that I was fine with my hookups, I didn’t need to be tied down; I lied. I wanted someone to take to the movies and someone to take to a football game or some even that was going on at school. I would have been fine with someone who wanted to watch chick flicks because I wouldn’t be alone. It was so sickening, but I tell myself that I cannot end up like my parents. It’s not acceptable.