Love Lessons

C H A P T E R T W O || J E S S

||I T S Y O U R H E A R T B E A T B E A T I N G||

I felt my pathetic heart beating in my throat as I stood awkwardly in the closet. I convinced myself that Cole would just hook up with another girl instead of simply kissing me, or if he even had a heart, said we kissed when we didn't. My jacket suddenly felt as if it was strangling me and my legs felt like goo as I stood watching him. The smell of alcohol drifted to my nose and I tried not to think about how drunk he could be. My back leaned against a shelf as I tried to stand as far away from Cole as possible. I watched as he seemed to have a mental debate with himself and I tried to prepare myself for when he started to knock me down once again.

"Looking like a shaking puppy isn't going to make this any better." He snapped coldly. His remark caused me to look at him and when I felt as if he was looking at me, I glanced down at the ground. The dark closet made it easier for me to hide some annoyance, but it didn't hide everything. No matter how dark the closet was, I could still see his piercing hazel eyes that I could dream about.

"Well, maybe if you weren't such a big-"

"You should be lucky that you're even in this closet with me." He snapped. I could almost feel the anger laced in his voice and I did my best to swallow the lump in my throat. "Someone needs to take one for the team." My jaw dropped open and I tried to close it, afraid of what I would say.

Take one for the team!

I tried to swallow my hurt, but it seemed too difficult. He didn't matter to me; we weren't friends and he wasn't someone I cared about, but that didn't make his words sting any less.

"Why don't you just tell all your friends that you kissed me and just leave?" I whispered. I could hear the pathetic weakness in my voice and I coughed trying to make myself seem strong. "It's not like I want to kiss you anyway." I snapped as I wiped my now sweaty hands on my jeans.

"Right, like you really want to pass up kissing me." He snarled. I opened my mouth to yell at him but instead he cut me off once again. "You're probably too desperate for someone to kiss you." He laughed.

"Why would you say that?" I snapped. For a split second, I thought about kicking him right where his pride is, but I figured that I would miss and kick myself.

"You practically scream virginity." He laughed bitterly. I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing that he was right and no matter how much I argued with him, he'd always win. I tried not to let his words bother me, but they still stung. I tried to blink back tears and shook my head. He realized my silence and stopped laughing, and instead took a sharp breath. I waited for someone to bail me out- for someone to pound on the door and tell us that we're done, but nothing game. I took a deep breath and tried to stay grounded.

"You can tell them that you kissed the fat girl, okay?" My voice shook as I spoke, failing me in my hopes to be confident. I didn't know why I entered the closet with him anyway; I didn't feel obligated to kiss him and I sure as hell know he only cared about his reputation. My anxiety started to raise and I knew I needed to get out of the closet, far away from him and this party. I reached for the door handle but before I could grab it, a muscular arm yanked me toward him. One arm held my wrist and the other cupped my face.

"It might as well be true; now you can say you've actually been kissed." He muttered. My jaw dropped and I started to tell him to fuck off but in an instant, his lips were pressed against mine. Frozen, I stood awkwardly unsure of what to do. Having never been kissed before, I didn't know what to expect or do. His lips were warm and surprisingly soft, it was as if I had a heating blanket on my mouth. Shivers went up my spine as he moved his lips with more urgency, hoping for a reaction. I didn't know what to do, so I moved my lips against his. When I started to feel more confident, I kissed him harder and faster, suddenly wanting nothing more than to play tongue hockey with him. Cole's hand moved from my wrist and cupped my cheeks, trying to get us as close as possible. My arms suddenly flew to his back and Cole started to attack my mouth. Pushed against the wall, I grabbed Cole's waist and pulled him flush against me, feeling the arousal of his body.

Cole grinded his middle into mine, causing me to lift my leg to feel more of him. I tried to ignore how wrong this was and how much of a whore I was; I just needed him. Cole grasped on to my thigh, digging his fingers into my flesh as he kissed my neck. I slipped my hands in his shirt, feeling every inch of his toned body. I traced my fingers down his back, enjoying his hitched breathing from my touch. His movements became more urgent and his body moved faster with mine. He bit my lip and I dug my fingers into his back, attempting to keep myself in check. Cole let a loud groan as he pushed his body against mine.

Cole seemed to snap out of it and hastily pulled away from me with swollen lips. Our eyes were wide as we stared at each other and listened to our desperate panting. I stared at him, realizing how turned on he was by me. He brought his fingers to his lips and touched them softly, still looking at me. He seemed unsure of what just happened and instead of fleeing, he leaned in for another kiss. Our lips brushed against each other, but Cole pushed himself away. He ran his hands through his hair and looked down at his jeans. I tried to look the other way, unsure of what I should do. He snapped back to reality and mumbled something quietly before pushing past me and leaving me in the closet by myself.

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"He clearly loved it." Riley slurred as we made it back to our dorm. The stairs seemed impossible as we took them slowly one at a time. We only had two flights left until we made it to our dorm and I was determined to get there. Riley may be a size two, but she weighed a lot when I hauled her up the stairs.

"Right." I snorted.

"Shut up!" She giggled. "Did you see the way he darted to the bathroom? He probably needed to take care of himself!"

"He probably doesn't do that." I sighed. "I'm sure he just waits for a girl to take care of the rest.

"I doubt he was thinking of any other girl." Riley giggled again. Her heels stayed firmly in her hands as she walked the disgusting stairwell in her bare feet. She sloppily swiped the hair out of her face and grinned at me.

"You had your first kiss!" She clapped.

"Can we stop that?" I groaned as I felt my cheeks heat up. Each step we made closer to the floor the more nervous I got. Would he be here? I tried not to think of him as I helped Riley to our floor, knowing that the sooner we got there the better it would be for the both of us.

"I know you want to tell me all about it!" She giggled wildly. I shook my head in annoyance as we finally made it through the doors to our floor. Riley stumbled to our room and drunkenly leaned against the doorframe, waiting for me to open it. I carefully held on to her as I led her into the room, knowing that she could send things flying in a matter of minutes.

"Not really." I sighed, leaning her into bed.

"He's really hot, Jess. You did well." She laughed.

"It wasn't-"

"You didn't like it?" She demanded. I opened my mouth to answer her, but I wasn't sure what I would say. Yes, I liked it, but it wasn't what was bothering me. As began to speak, Riley started snoring. I sighed in relief and locked the door.

"I didn't matter." I whispered aloud. "It didn't matter. I want to-I need to matter to someone." I softly whispered. No matter how pathetic it sounded, I couldn't deny those words. I didn't want to be a hookup; I wanted to be important to someone, and I doubt that Cole thought twice about our kiss in the closet. It was easier this way; I couldn't get hut.

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