before | jungkook

0.3

jungkook's pov

both minjoo and haneul have not spared me a glance since yesterday. i sat in class alone since i usually sit with minjoo and dohyun but he hasn't arrived yet. as if on cue, he walked into the classroom with a straight face. i smiled and signalled him to come sit next to me. he noticed my signal but gave me a slight glare, rolled his eyes and sat next to some other guy.

my eyes widened after seeing what he did to me. what the hell? is he blaming me as well now? what's so bad about siyeon that minjoo has to go so far and make me the bad guy when clearly, i am not.

i got annoyed and moved all my stuff to next to some random girl who was sitting alone. let's see who's boss now minjoo.

minjoo' pov

i couldn't look at jungkook for any longer than a few seconds before tears were threatening to fall again. usually i wouldn't mind him going close to a girl but after what happened yesterday, i feel as if i can't trust his actions anymore. what is going on? that's exactly what i want to know.

haneul gave me a comforting look and squeezed my hand.

lunch

"haneul told me what happened between you guys, are you okay minjoo?" dohyun asked me. i nodded and sighed staring at jungkook who was flirting with a few girls near the lockers. we haven't even broke up and he's getting all touchy with everyone else. i put my head on the table to avoid seeing anymore of his actions.

"jungkook oppa shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?" a random girl asked.

"girlfriend? what are you talking about? i'm already with you."

the girl giggled and i slammed my hands on the table. oops. that wasn't supposed to happen but i guess there's no turning back now. i suddenly became the centre of attention and i scolded myself a bit. feeling a bit embarrassed, i looked over to haneul and dohyun and said, "i think it's best if i go back to the dorms first."

they both nodded understandingly and let me go back. on my way back, i passed a vending machine which had chocolate milk in it. i remember the last day we still acted like a couple and it included chocolate milk. i chuckled realising how he can make everyday items haunt me.

it's not like i want pity from anyone but the pain within me is not wearing away. the pain is constant and lives in my heart. it makes me feel weak and useless. it makes me..

want to self harm again.

i rushed back to the dorms and grabbed a pocket knife. i locked myself in the bathroom and started drawing marks again. hissing at the pain, i realised it's been a while since i've done this so i'm no longer used to it. once i started to blow on it, the air left a cooling sensation and i felt relaxed. i laughed a bit thinking, i almost forgot how good this felt.

funny though right? it's like my life is controlled by jungkook.
without him, my entire world collapses.

a/n
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